Photo credit, photographer: Prince Williams, property of WireImage, fair use
Recently, Houston rapper BeatKing (also known as Club Godzilla) reportedly died of a pulmonary embolism. I’m a fan of his music, as I like to balance ignant with intelligent rap in regard to my music collection.
As an example, when physical training I find it distracting when listening to lyricists who discuss deep topics. However, Club Godzilla’s music fueled many of my workouts, as much as it influenced strippers in clubs, because the rapper’s lyrics weren’t particularly intellectual.
On his 2015 album Club God 4, BeatKing released a song entitled “Stopped,” in which he stated, “I used to give a fuck, but then I stopped.” Noteworthy, the rapper described how he used to be concerned about what other people thought of him, though he stopped doing so at some point.
Essentially, Club Godzilla addressed his choice not to experience guilt or shame. Often, people mistake these two terms. Therefore, I think it’s worthwhile to briefly expand upon the distinction between these emotions.
Importantly, there’s a difference between primary emotions (i.e., joy, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust, and surprise) and secondary or tertiary emotions (i.e., guilt, shame, insecurity, etc.). The former can occur without thinking while the latter involves the influence of thought.
Guilt may be defined as the state of one who has committed an offense, especially consciously, or feelings of deserving blame for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy. In short, guilt is a secondary emotion involving the perception of deserving blame regarding offenses.
Shame may be defined as a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety, or a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute that may bring censure or reproach. In short, shame is a secondary emotion of guilt-based damage to one’s reputation.
When using psychoeducation with clients, I invite people to consider that guilt relates to an unpleasant secondary emotion from the inside-out while shame relates to a similar experience from the outside-in. Perhaps a clarifying example may better elucidate this distinction.
Suppose I think about a fellow psychotherapist discovering this post and maintaining, “Deric shouldn’t elevate the music of BeatKing, because the rapper’s lyrics are degrading toward women.” I may experience guilt (inside-out) when believing I’ve done something wrong.
On the other hand, if a fellow behavioral health care practitioner contacts me and actually voices the above sentiment, I may experience shame (outside-in) when accepting the narrative that I’ve done something wrong. Thus, guilt and shame are similar, though they have different origins.
Regarding guilt and shame, I argue that these secondary emotions are choices. One can choose whether or not to experience the unpleasant consequence of having adopted an accusation of blame, whether imagined or not.
Chiefly, I base my position in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) theory. This psychotherapeutic modality was developed in 1955 by the late psychologist Albert Ellis. For clarity of understanding, it may be useful to describe how this model functions.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if a blood clot blocks and stops blood flow to an artery in the lung (Action), you may die (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, a pulmonary embolism can cause death.
However, if your loved one unhelpfully Believes about your sudden death, “That shouldn’t have happened,” then your loved one will likely self-disturb into a sorrowful disposition (Consequence). From a B-C perspective, people upset themselves with unhelpful assumptions.
Similarly, individuals self-disturb with unfavorable beliefs which cause the experience of guilt and shame. By disputing these assumptions, a person can choose not to feel such emotions by instead acknowledging one’s own fallibility and unconditionally accepting the same.
Noteworthy, blame is something not advocated in REBT theory. In particular, I don’t blame myself, others, or life for activating events (e.g., the sudden death of a rapper whose music I like).
The rejection of blame is an important component of REBT practice, as blame is a core element of both guilt and shame. Therefore, I don’t blame myself for an imperfect nature (guilt) while also not co-endorsing blame assigned to me by others.
Interestingly, in an interview during which Ellis was asked about how he handled the experience of being criticized (blamed) by his peers, Ellis explained that he used the same approach to rational living as he had in the past, in regard to women who apparently rejected his affection:
Interviewer: How did you relate to hostile critics at that stage when you were inventing your ideas in the mid-1950s?
Ellis: The same way as to the women who rejected me at the age of 19. Too damn bad! They’re prejudiced against my view, I’m prejudiced for mine. We’ll never meet. Who gives a shit what they think of me?
Just as BeatKing chose not to experience guilt and shame by stating, “I used to give a fuck, but then I stopped,” Ellis’ effective new belief resulted in a choice not to disturb himself by concluding, “Who gives a shit what they think of me?” Both individuals used rationality.
Of course, some people may read of my advocacy for choosing not to experience guilt and shame, and they may demandingly say, “Deric shouldn’t promote the rejection of guilt and shame, because a civil society needs these emotional elements in order to shape behavior.”
This imagined challenge to what I’ve expressed herein constitutes a narrative of shaming and blaming, and I reject it altogether. I used to give a fuck about such opinions, but then I stopped. Now I ask, “Who gives a shit what others think of me?”
What they eat doesn’t make me shit. Therefore, I don’t give a shit. Understandably, you may disagree with my perspective. Wonderful! Because I stopped giving a fuck, it doesn’t matter if we disagree. Thus, I don’t give a fuck.
In any case, I admit that I can choose to experience guilt and shame if I want to. There’s nothing inherently unhelpful or unhealthy about these secondary emotions. Still, if I make the choice to experience these feelings, I’ll do so on my own terms – not on yours or anyone else’s.
Likewise, I’ll continue listening to Club God without guilt or shame. In fact, as BeatKing said on the track “Buzz Bunny,” “If I didn’t know you last year, then I don’t know you. Aye, you was hatin’ last year, bitch, I’mma curb you.” Thus, I choose not to feel these negative emotions.
It’s comprehendible if you choose otherwise, dislike the music to which I listen, or reject my approach to REBT. What I provide is a radical opportunity for people to free themselves from the proverbial shackles of unpleasant consequences of emotion by altering unproductive beliefs.
If you choose to remain chained to your unfavorable beliefs which produce unnecessarily burdensome emotional experiences, I support your right as a self-determined and autonomous being to do so. For everyone else, if you no longer wish to choose guilt or shame, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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