Growing Pains

[DISCLAIMER]

On their 2012 album Give Me My Flowers While I Can Still Smell Them, lyricist Blu and producer Exile released a song entitled “Growing Pains” which featured rappers Johaz and Fashawn.

Each of these artists performed masterfully over samples of The Supremes’ song “My Christmas Tree,” as I get chills each time I contemplate how the performers intertwined their lyrics with the unique beat. Noteworthy, Fashawn’s hook is worth examining herein. Lyrics include:

[Expressed twice]

‘Cause everybody grows

And everybody knows

That time moves fast

I just wanna make the good times last, you live and you learn

Through the lens of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I recognize and appreciate the existentialist nature of “Growing Pains.” Truly, people grow and time moves fast, relatively speaking. More importantly, all moments eventually pass.

Still, it’s the final line of Fashawn’s hook that catches my attention. He states, “I just wanna make the good times last.” Quite often, when working with individuals concerning some of the most challenging times in their lives, I hear people disturbing themselves with beliefs regarding “good times.”

Using one of the four major irrational beliefs, as it pertains to demandingness, a person may unhelpfully express something along the lines of, “The good times must last!” And what happens when the inevitable occurs as the good times end?

A person will disturb oneself into fear regarding future good times ending, anger correlated with the loss of past good times lapsing, sorrow in conjunction with one’s helplessness concerning impermanence as good times are fleeing, or disgust related to others and their perceived permanent good times never ending.

Each of these outcomes is correlated, though not caused, by the passing of good times. Rather, what people unproductively believe about lapsing good times is what creates unpleasant consequences such as fear, anger, sorrow, and disgust.

REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.

Therefore, from a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

Consider that the passage of good times (Action) doesn’t result in unpleasant emotions (Consequence). Instead of an A-C connection, the B-C connection better explains how what a person Believes about passing good times is what creates unpleasant Consequences.

Understanding how we disturb ourselves regarding impermanence, one may better appreciate the final words of Fashawn’s hook, “you live and you learn” in this lifetime. It seems like in one moment we’re little children and then we’re suddenly suited for adulthood.

Will you be suited with knowledge of life, or will you unhelpfully upset yourself with the B-C connection? Growing doesn’t have to be a painful process. If you’d like to know more about how to reduce suffering through use of existentialist concepts expressed herein, I’m here to help.

If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

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Hollings, D. (2024, May 14). This, too, shall pass. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/this-too-shall-pass

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