Many years ago, my then-girlfriend and I visited Cold Stone Creamery from time to time on date nights. As a marketing strategy, the ice cream establishment featured three size varieties: like it (small), love it (medium), and gotta have it (large). I typically opted for the latter option.
When contemplating the phrase “gotta have it,” a psychoeducational lesson about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) comes to mind. In particular, I think of the ABC model.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Action occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant cognitive, emotive, sensational, and behavioral effects as Consequences.
Of the four major irrational beliefs recognized in REBT literature, demandingness is the primary self-narrative that causes self-disturbance. The other three unproductive beliefs – low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and global evaluations – tend to be secondary drivers of self-upset.
Demandingness generally presents as phrases within the mind which manifest as should, must, or ought-type of narratives. Still, there are derivatives of these terms which also apply.
For instance, saying, “I gotta have it,” “I need it in my life,” “You better respect me,” and, “Life has to be easier than this” are all forms of demandingness. The key feature of these phrases is that they are: (1) prescriptive in nature and (2) rigid dictates for oneself, others, and life.
As an example, when considering Cold Stone Creamery sizes (Action), I Believed, “I gotta have it” concerning the largest available size. Suppose that the ice creamery was out of that particular cup size. My prescriptively rigid dictate would then cause anger (Consequence).
Similarly, consider what rapper Juvenile stated in his song “In My Life.” Promoting an opulent lifestyle when describing various indicators of wealth (Action), the rapper stated the Belief, “I need it in my life,” expressing a rigid prescription.
Suppose that he was unable to attain the material wealth standard of living to which he presumably Believed he was entitled. His inflexible dictate would then result in anger or sorrow (Consequence).
Juvenile’s unhelpful prescription is different than the helpful description used by rapper Lil Rob in his song “Thinking Twice.” Expressing his flexible desires for life, Lil Rob states:
I’d like to live out my dream
Live with no routine
Pull up crisp and clean
When I roll up on the scene
But it’s more than just a dream
Know what I mean?
When it comes to my life
I like to be content with everything
Some say that that’s impossible
But I’d like to take the impossible
And make it possible
That’s colder than a popsicle
We go through many obstacles
I could choose to stay and do the same
But, shit, I gots to go
I do not want this for my life no more
It just doesn’t seem right no more
So as I sit and think again, I pick up this pen
And jot down the beginning of its end
When contemplating necessary life changes (Action), Lil Rob’s Effective new belief is, “I do not want this for my life no more.” Rather than an unfavorable prescription, the rapper’s favorable descriptive Belief causes motivation, hope, and behavior in support of his goals (Consequence).
Instead of remaining self-disturbed, REBT uses Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive Belief, similar to Lil Rob’s healthy outlook. With this approach, a person can stop suffering which is caused by unhelpfully rigid assumptions.
Though the Cold Stone Creamery sizes likely weren’t intended to serve as an example of demandingness, I thought it would benefit the reader to use this silly example when providing a lesson on the ABC model. Also, I hope that the hip hop songs help synthesize this information.
Next time you tell yourself that you, other people, or life gotta, needs to, better, or has to function in a particular way, perhaps the current lesson on demandingness will come to mind. If you’d like to know more about REBT, I’m here to assist.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Cold Stone Creamery (@coldstoneng). (2020, August 29). Like it, love it, gotta have it or grab n go. Which would be your pick for the weekend and what ice cream flavour? [Image]. X. Retrieved from https://x.com/coldstoneng/status/1299721479848890374/photo/1
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Juvenile. (2018, July 31). In My Life [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/SBjyzw2E8nw?si=7UF7BM9qkEfwn_EO
MexThemes. (2014, May 27). Lil Rob - Thinking Twice (2014) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/UWWc53PSg8Y?si=KE3-jqPUcCJbT9KV
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Cold Stone Creamery. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_Stone_Creamery
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Juvenile (rapper). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juvenile_(rapper)
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Lil Rob. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lil_Rob
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