Going Through the Same Thing

[DISCLAIMER]

I recently had a (subjectively) lovely mental, emotional, and behavioral health (collectively “mental health”) services termination session with a client who I’ve worked with for several years. I’ll refer to this individual as “client X.”

When client X first came to me for mental health care, I introduced concepts of the ABC model and unconditional acceptance (UA), both techniques of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Understanding of and belief in this method was achieved early on.

However, fervent practice of this psychotherapeutic modality, geared toward rational living, was a bit more difficult for client X. Ultimately, my client abandoned self-disturbing narratives while recognizing the limited control and influence people have in an impermanent and uncertain life.

Not one to refrain from challenging my approach to wellness, client X sometimes disputed advocacy for logical and reasonable thinking in the interest of a supposed “greater good” regarding society as a whole. (I enjoy when clients think critically in such a manner.)

I invited client X to consider that Stoic philosophy interwoven into REBT, particularly the practice of UA, wasn’t designed to serve as a matter of selfishness as much as it regards enlightened self-interest. In essence, I’m not teaching people to become withdrawn from others.

Noteworthy, Stoic philosophers of old taught people how to live well among people, not away from or in spite of them. At some point in the course of treatment and management of presenting symptoms, client X asked a question with which I remain all too familiar.

“If I focus on what I can control – and I realize that I can only control myself – while attempting to influence others – as I may be able to persuade people, maybe not – then what would happen if everyone in the world behaved in a similar manner?” client X inquired. “World peace,” I replied.

Apparently, this response wasn’t acceptable. “I mean, if we all just focused on ourselves while giving up on trying to better the world, for the greater good, then human civilization wouldn’t advance much, would it?” client X retorted. I’ve forgotten how often I’ve received this question.

Before I delve into the response offered to client X, it’s worth noting that the all too familiar challenge regarding devoted REBT practice which I’ve received from numerous people reminds me of a hip hop track. (I have no idea why my mind works this way.)

On his 2020 album Streams of Thought, Vol. 3: Cane & Able, hip hop lyrical legend Black Thought (of The Roots) released the song “Nature of the Beast” which featured Portugal. The Man and The Last Artful, Dodgr. The chorus states:

Couple dollars and a dream

What did mama say, kid?

Everything ain’t what it seem

Life is what you make it

We are, we are, going through the same thing

Going through the same shit

We are, we are, going through the same thing

Going through the same shit

I appreciate the reminder of how even though each fallible human being undergoes unique circumstances and maintains differing interpretations of reality, we’re all going through the same thing – in that each and every one of us lives, experiences distress, suffers, and will one day die.

Now, I’ll address what I discussed with client X. Although one’s moral and ethical concept of the supposed “greater good” may be to improve the human condition for all people, I’m fortunate enough to work with only a limited number of individuals. (I prefer it this way.)

I can’t possibly control or influence the lives of over eight billion people with whom I share a planet, nor the 330-350 million people reportedly existing within the United States. This doesn’t mean I’m apathetic to the distress or self-disturbance each of these people likely experiences.

Rather, I acknowledge the limits of my ability to truly change anyone or anything other than myself. Besides, that’s all over which I have control: how I respond to matters. Though we’re all going through the same shit, I can cleanse only myself and try to help others clean themselves.

While I support the advancement of human civilization and the betterment of the world, sharing the view of client X, I hesitate to conclude that I know what the “greater good” is. After all, what I consider to be good may be disputed by another person as being nothing short of bad.

Therefore, I aim to help individuals improve their lives while leaving collective improvement to other people. In a way, this approach isn’t only rational—that which is in accordance with both logic and reason—I think it’s morally and ethically proper not to force my views on others.

In conclusion, I was fortunate enough to have been able to work with client X—who attained hard-earned success with personal interests and goals. If this individual now chooses to go forward and change the world, then so be it. (I wish client X all the best in this regard.)

Client X already exhibited the ability to achieve self-change. Perchance my now-former client will one day be able to improve upon the human condition for others. (Perhaps, perhaps not.) In any case, we’re all going through the same thing (life) and I’m here to try to help along the way.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

Photo credit, fair use

References:

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