For Career Discovery Day during my senior year of high school, a number of students and I who were interested in careers regarding care for mental, emotional, and behavioral health (“mental health”) were able to spend time at a behavioral health hospital. There, I was allowed to sit in on a music therapy group session.
The group facilitator treated students as active group participants and we were invited to select a song that represented our lives so that we could discuss its meaning with group attendees. Once an adult-aged woman who masturbated in front of everyone was removed from the room, my chance to speak presented itself and the facilitator seemed aghast at my musical selection.
I chose to discuss Naughty by Nature’s song “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” from the group’s second album Naughty by Nature (1991). Noteworthy, the track was also listed as “Ghetto Bastard” on uncensored versions of the album.
Verses of the song were performed by lyricist Treach – who’s on my personal top-five lyricists list – and the track sampled Boney M.’s “No Woman, No Cry,” a Vincent Ford song popularized by Bob Marley and the Wailers. In childhood, at a time when I was naïve, I was fond of how Marley reassuringly sang, “Everything’s gonna be alright.”
The song’s background information didn’t seem to be an issue for the group facilitator. Rather, my description of the lyrics and how they applied to my life apparently wasn’t met with appreciation.
Having subsequently worked in the mental health care field since 2011, and experiencing the inauthenticity of many clinicians, I suspect that I would’ve been better off suggesting a song like Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” However, my persona wasn’t counterfeit back then and I don’t choose to provide a synthetic version of myself to this day.
With my approach to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I invite people to unconditionally accept reality as it is, not as they believe it ought to be. As such, I stated in a blog entry entitled All Right:
I remain hesitant to tell clients everything will be all right [alright]. While reassurance may help someone feel better, I’m not convinced it contributes to a person getting better.
Therefore, I encourage clients to identify irrational beliefs related to demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Once these unhelpful assumptions are recognized, they may be disputed accordingly.
Likewise, I welcome practice of unconditional self-, other-, and life-acceptance. Consequently, I don’t lie to people by assuring them that everything’s gonna be alright when I have no way of knowing whether or not matters will actually be okay.
Still, I didn’t know in adolescence what I now understand in adulthood. When visiting the behavioral health facility, I discussed my admiration of Treach’s introduction to “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright,” as the lyricist stated:
Smooth it out (Alright)
This is a story about the drifter
Who waited for the worst, ‘cause the best lived ‘cross town
Who never planned on having, so didn’t
Why me, huh?
Back then, I adopted a victimhood mindset regarding the trauma I endured in childhood. Abused by both biological parents and placed in a children’s home in seventh grade, I, too, asked of G-d, the universe, life, or whatever, “Why me, huh?”
There were no answers provided to my question, though suffering was a constant element of my life. Therefore, I found comfort in the chorus of Naughty by Nature’s track that stated:
Everything’s gonna be alright (Alright) [x4]
Although I didn’t know of REBT in high school, “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” paradoxically presented empty assurance of future resolution to problems via the chorus, though each verse depicted the challenging reality of life as it actually is. The first verse stated:
Some get a little and some get none
Some catch a bad one and some leave the job half-done
I was one who never had and always mad
Never knew my dad, motherfuck the fag
Well, anyway, I did pickups, lift-and-click-ups
Seen many stick-ups, ‘cause niggas had the trigger hiccups
I couldn’t get a job, nappy hair was not allowed
My mother couldn’t afford us all, she had to throw me out
They got ‘em quick, I had to eat, this money’s good as spent
I threw in braids, I wasn’t paid enough
I kept ‘em long, ‘cause I couldn’t afford a haircut
I got laughed at, I got jumped, I got dissed
I got upset, I got a Tec and a banana clip
Was down to throw the lead to any telling tackhead
I still’d been broke, so a lot of good it woulda did
Or done, if not for bad luck, I would have none
Why did I have to live the life of such a bad one?
Why when I was a kid and played, I was a sad one?
And always wanted to live like this or that one?
Like Treach, I was “always mad.” Similar to the lyricist, my mother couldn’t afford my sisters and me, so she removed me from her care. Not unlike Treach, “I got laughed at, I got jumped, I got dissed,” and later, “I got upset” with what I believed about my situation.
This is because I didn’t know of the ABC model in my youth. I had no idea that when an Action occurred, it wasn’t the event though my Beliefs about the situation that caused an unpleasant Consequence.
Accordingly, rather than an Action-Consequence (A-C) connection, REBT theory maintains that people disturb themselves with a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. As such, when I used a whoa-is-me attitude, the consequence of my B-C connection was perpetual defensiveness.
Whereas Treach stated that he acquired a firearm and was “down to throw the lead” towards other people, I also gathered weapons and prepared to do the same. Noteworthy, Treach disputed his B-C connection by admitting, “I still’d been broke, so a lot of good it woulda did.”
At some point in my youth, I also realized that behaving in a self-destructive way wouldn’t serve my interests and goals. In particular, the fact that I “always wanted to live like this or that one” - referencing other people to whom I compared myself, as Treach stated, wasn’t a healthy mindset for me.
Further contemplating Treach’s words, I didn’t “have to live the life of such a bad one” or experience life as “a sad one,” per the song. Today, I understand this lesson. However, when participating as a music therapy attendee, I didn’t. “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” continued:
A ghetto bastard, born next to the projects
Living in the slums with bums, I said, “Now why, Treach?
Do I have to be like this?” Mama said I’m priceless
So why am I worthless? Starving is just what being nice get
Sometimes I wish I could afford a pistol then, though
To stop the hell, I would’ve ended things a while ago
I ain’t have jack but a black hat and knapsack
War scars, stolen cars, and a blackjack (Alright)
Drop that, and now you want me to rap and give?
Say something positive? Well, positive ain’t where I live
I live right around the corner from West Hell
Two blocks from South Shit and once in a jail cell
The sun never shone on my side of the street, see
And only once or twice a week, I would speak
I walked alone; my state of mind was home sweet home
I couldn’t keep a girl, they wanted kids with cars of chrome
Some life, if you ain’t wear gold, your style was old
Hell no, I say there’s gotta be a better way
But hey, never gamble in a game that you can’t play
I’m slowin’ and flowin’ and goin’, knowin’ no one and not now
How will I do it? How will I make it? I won’t, that’s how
Why me, huh?
Fascinatingly, Treach stated on the track that he asked himself, “Now why, Treach? Do I have to be like this?” This shows insight—the capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing.
Even as a teen, I picked up on the fact that Treach grappled with the promise of matters improving while life showed little hope for improvement. Still, the lyricist was wise enough to ask himself whether or not he should’ve, must’ve, or ought to have behaved as he did.
One matter in which I didn’t share commonality with the lyricist was that Treach’s mom apparently told the him that he was “priceless.” Nevertheless, the end result of my mother’s maltreatment and Treach’s conclusion was the same, as the lyricist inquired, “So why am I worthless?”
I didn’t know of unconditional self-acceptance in my youth. My ignorance afforded me the unfortunate perception of buying into an A-C connection. As such, I thought I was worthless, because my mom repeatedly told me I was – at times while physically battering me as she pronounced it.
In “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright,” Treach admits, “Sometimes I wish I could afford a pistol then, though to stop the hell, I would’ve ended things a while ago.” For a brief moment in adolescence, I, too, carried a pistol. The thought of ending my life crossed my mind, as well.
Now, I understand the dynamics of my childhood. Moreover, I appreciate that REBT practitioners don’t needlessly blame others for our circumstances. Abuse from parental figures so many years ago doesn’t account for how I behave today.
Likewise, it didn’t afford me a victimhood pass for my actions after I’d been removed from the care of my mom and dad while having been placed in a children’s home in seventh grade. Ending my life by using childhood trauma wasn’t and isn’t something worth considering.
In the second verse of “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright,” I once identified with most of the experience Treach outlined therein. Thus, it made sense to me how the lyricist concluded, “How will I do it? How will I make it? I won’t, that’s how. Why me, huh?”
Many years since 1991, when Naughty by Nature’s album was released, I remain grateful for the ability to mentally travel back in time and recall how I once upset myself with a similar B-C connection. Only now, I don’t emotively revisit those times. I’m no longer self-disturbed in this regard.
I can comprehend that not everything has been alright over the past 33 years. In a way, I’m glad this is the case. Through all of the ups and downs I’ve experienced, I’ve managed to build high frustration tolerance.
Concerning this matter, resilience is defined as the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. After all these years of highs and lows, I’ve fostered resilience. Therefore, I didn’t need naïve “everything’s gonna be alright” reassurance.
Stoically, I instead learned that I can tolerate and accept adversity. This method of rational living doesn’t violate the is-ought problem – deriving an ought from an is by demanding that life ought to be easy when it is actually quite challenging. Treach’s final verse stated:
My third year into adulthood and still a knucklehead
I’m better off dead, huh, that’s what my neighbor said
I don’t do jack but fightin’, lightin’ up the street at night
Playing hide-and-seek with a machete, sexing Freddy’s wife (Alright)
Some say I’m rolling on, nothing but a dog now
I answer that with a, “Fuck you,” and a, “Bow-wow”
‘Cause I done been through more shit within the last week
Than a fly flowing in doo-doo on the concrete
I been a deadbeat, dead to the world, and dead wrong
Since I was born, that’s my life, oh, you don’t know this song?
So don’t say jack, and please don’t say you understand
All that man-to-man talk can walk, damn
If you ain’t live it, you couldn’t feel it, so kill it, skillet
And all that talk about it won’t help it out, now will it?
But I’m the one who has been labeled as an outcast
They teach in schools I’m the misfit y’all will outlast
But that’s cool with the fool, smack ‘em backwards
That’s what you get for fuckin’ with a ghetto bastard
One can imagine how well it went when as a group attendee I quoted, “I been a deadbeat, dead to the world, and dead wrong since I was born; that’s my life, oh, you don’t know this song? So don’t say jack, and please don’t say you understand. All that man-to-man talk can walk, damn.”
I was wrong – very wrong with use of the irrational perspective I chose. When Treach stated, “If you ain’t live it, you couldn’t feel it, so kill it, skillet. And all that talk about it won’t help it out, now will it?” he was wrong, as well.
On a daily basis, I practice REBT in my personal and professional life. Whether talking myself through self-disturbance of the B-C connection, writing about it for a blogpost, or talking with other people as a means to assist them with the processing of various matters, this psychotherapeutic modality can help.
Moreover, one doesn’t have to “live it” in order to identify with a specific situation, as Treach suggested. Personally, I reject the notion that one’s lived experience qualifies or disqualifies an individual from helping people get out of their own way.
Imagine me rigidly demanding that in order to be treated by a mental health provider the individual should have come from a broken home, must have been abused in childhood and removed from one’s house in junior high school, and ought to also have hazel eyes. How ridiculous of an assertion!
The outro of “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” is something I recall reciting to my older sibling when explaining the perspective of other kids who resided in the children’s home:
If you ain’t ever been to the ghetto
Don’t ever come to the ghetto
‘Cause you wouldn’t understand the ghetto
And stay the fuck out of the ghetto (Alright)
Why me? (Alright) Why me? (Alright)
One imagines gentrifying hipsters altogether missed Treach’s memo about the ghetto. At any rate, I spoke with my sister about the hopelessness of my outlook and what I perceived other children’s home residents might have experiencing.
However, my pronouncement was about as well received by my kin as it was from the behavioral health hospital group facilitator – and now I understand why that is. Mine was a message of desperation. Essentially, I maintained that I came from nothing and others shouldn’t have visited my circumstances.
Rather than speaking literally, I meant the outro figuratively. I was apparently a hopeless cause and others wouldn’t understand my agony. Currently, I’m glad I no longer disturb myself in such a manner.
Long since Career Discovery Day, my worldview has radically shifted. I’m now the one visiting people in figurative ghettos of their mind, helping them by challenging self-victimized “why me?” narratives.
Importantly, I don’t tell others that “everything’s gonna be alright” any more than I simplistically encourage them by stating, “Don’t worry, be happy.” Rather, I help build frustration tolerance, foster resilience, and encourage use of unconditional acceptance regarding most matters of life over which people have so little control or influence.
Although REBT isn’t a be-all, end-all solution to the human condition – and given that this approach to mental health care isn’t preferred by everyone – I invite the reader to explore more of my blog content to determine whether or not REBT may be a proper fit for you.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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