When residing in a children’s home in 1991, I recall frequently hearing electronic dance music (EDM) group Depeche Mode’s song “Enjoy the Silence,” as it received heavy rotation on the radio after its release in 1990. Lyrics include:
Words like violence break the silence
Come crashing in into my little world
Painful to me, pierce right through me
Can’t you understand? Oh, my little girl
Back then, I wasn’t familiar with the practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), so I was unaware of how inaccurate it was to suggest that words could be akin to violence. Allow me to explain.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
Therefore, from a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
If I accidentally stub my toe on a large rock while hiking (Action), I’ll likely experience radiating pain in my toe and foot (Consequence). A-C connections do in fact exist in life.
However, if someone says something that I find disagreeable (Action) and I unhelpfully Believe, “What that person said is awful and I can’t stand that someone would say such a thing,” this irrational assumption will likely cause anger (Consequence), because the B-C connection is how people unhelpfully conclude that words are like violence.
Nevertheless, I didn’t know about the process of self-disturbance when in seventh grade and frequently hearing “Enjoy the Silence.” Thus, I subscribed to the inaccurate conclusion of the chorus that states:
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
Words cannot do harm. Although I understand that this assertion isn’t a popular one, it’s true. Those opting for a victimhood mentality are free to disagree. Even when someone is yelling the most despicable racial or ethnic slurs at another person, those words aren’t truly harmful.
One aspect of REBT that I continually promote to people is that this psychotherapeutic modality is empowering. Knowing that others can’t provoke me to anger affords me the power not to self-disturb with the B-C connection, because resilience in the face of unpleasant activating events allows me to achieve high frustration tolerance (HFT).
Of course, an alternative to HFT is the self-disturbing belief that “words are very unnecessary,” so one can instead “enjoy the silence” in the presence of a loved one. Imagine not practicing open, honest, and vulnerable communication with the people you love. Is that empowerment?
In any case, later in adulthood I enjoyed EDM duo Sasha & John Digweed’s 1999 album Northern Exposure: Expeditions when stationed in Okinawa, Japan. The anthology featured Mike Koglin’s song “The Silence,” which was a remake of “Enjoy the Silence.”
Rather than containing a message of self-disturbance, lyrics of the track merely stated, “Enjoy the silence,” lyrics which I considered a nice juxtaposition with the high intensity of a trance track. Today, all these years later, Koglin’s song popped into my mind.
Inspirational EDM tracks have a way of doing that. Therefore, I’m grateful for the ability to revisit music of the past while sharing with the world a psychoeducational lesson concerning REBT.
Even when listening to an energetic song, one can enjoy the silence of self-disturbing beliefs. This is the essence of personal empowerment. If you’d like to more about how not to disturb yourself, I look forward to hearing from you. If not, I’ll enjoy the silence of your absence.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s original EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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B1uemchen. (2008, January 1). Mike Koglin - The Silence [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/Ievnd-lP5pY?si=xM75gWeTnRR3AK7j
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