Although I’m uncertain, I think the above photo of my sisters and I was taken in or around 1979. Unless I’m mistaken, I was three-years-old in the picture. However, many elements of the past remain unclear to me. Nevertheless, I suspect the same is true for you.
According to one source, “3-year-old children have good short-term recollection but do not maintain the memories for long periods of time.” Given this information, I can’t recall what it was I was looking at in the photo or who made the decision to sit me on my older sister’s lap.
In any case, there are many perceived memories of the past which I maintain. For instance, I think I could draw a relatively accurate floorplan of the home in which I lived when I was three-years-old.
As well, I’m fairly convinced that the curtains in my room depicted logos of National Football League (NFL) teams. As well, I faintly recall my mom playing soul (Motown) music loudly throughout the home when she cleaned and while I’d sit in the living room playing with toy cars.
However, memory-related elements of the past may not be entirely valid (well-grounded, sound, or correct) or reliable (giving the same result on successive instances of recall). Per one source, “[M]ore than 150 years of scientific study of human memory support the view that memory is constructive.”
The main reason I believe I’m depicted in the above photo is because the individual who bestowed upon me this picture said it was me. As well, the child represented in the photo resembles other pictures of a similar boy who other people said featured yours truly.
Therefore, given eyewitness reports, I’ve constructed a memory of the boy featured in the photo as sitting in a room and looking up at NFL curtains. This constructed memory element may be valid, invalid, reliable, or unreliable. Who knows?
Even if I were to cross-reference information I retain about a past memory with family members, I’d run into a similar issue regarding constructive and reconstructive memories on their behalf. Thus, I think it’s important not to place too much significance on memory-related elements of the past.
When contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of the 1998 album Tourism by electronic dance music (EDM) DJ and producer Danny Tenaglia. In specific, I recall the track “Elements.” That is, I’m reminded of a questionably valid or reliable memory from the past in regard to the song.
To the best of my recollection, I bought the album when stationed in Okinawa, Japan in 1998. If memory serves, I listened to the house music song “Elements” on repeat and with headphones on so that I could fully enjoy the rhythmic track without complaints from fellow Marines in the barracks.
Tenaglia carefully built tension on the song by incrementally layering elements of various sounds while verbally instructing listeners what was expected of them. For instance, “I want everyone on the [dance] floor now!”
Unlike the photo depicted in this blogpost, I can adequately verify the elements of my memory from ’98 by listening to Tenaglia’s song right now. “This is the part where you go insane,” Tenaglia just stated. Wouldn’t it be joyous to replay some elements of the past in a similar manner?
Conversely, there are some memories – constructed or otherwise – which one wouldn’t consider joyous if replayed within the mind. For instance, there are moments from my childhood that I’d rather forget.
Sometimes elements of the past will slowly build within the mind, similar to how Tenaglia progressively layered his track, and people will disturb themselves with unfavorable beliefs regarding such instances. I used to do that quite often.
That is until I learned about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) which is a psychotherapeutic modality developed in 1955 by the late psychologist Albert Ellis. After practicing psychoanalysis for six years, Ellis abandoned the practice and began to develop REBT.
Whereas practitioners of psychoanalysis (called “analysts”) delve deep into one’s past, Ellis apparently concluded that memories weren’t all that valid or reliable. Given this understanding, a psychotherapist could otherwise perceivably treat or manage little more than a figment of a client’s imagination.
Think about that for a moment. Visualize me informing you that during the time when the photo for this post was taken I was abducted by aliens from outer space. Perhaps I recall it being an unpleasant experience for whatever reason. Is the memory of a three-year-old to be trusted?
When I trained to become certified in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a trainer informed the class that it didn’t matter if a distant memory was accurate or not. “If it’s real to the client, then treat it as real,” I fallibly recall the trainer stating.
That approach to mental, emotional, and behavioral health care is one reason why I don’t practice EMDR. I’m not interested in wasting what relatively little time I have left in life on addressing fictional elements of the past.
Importantly, I drew a similar conclusion when deciding to no longer disturb myself with unproductive beliefs about memory-related elements of my past. While analysists and EMDR practitioners are welcome to explore constructed and reconstructed memories, I prefer an REBT approach.
Regarding this matter, one REBT source states:
Ellis’s philosophy contains elements of constructivism. Specifically, Ellis maintained that all humans create ideas of how the world is or ought to be. Ellis thought that people make up many of their beliefs. This explains why he abandoned searching for insights from the memories of clients’ experiences or testing the veracity of automatic thoughts of past events. All these ideas could have been made up.
I suppose that at the age I was when the picture for this post was taken, I could’ve told fantastical tales of monsters under the bed and about which one who favors addressing memories as valid and reliable could’ve treated or managed. Regarding this matter, another unreliable memory comes to mind.
When my mom used to clean our home, I recall The Temptations song “Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me)” playing and in which it’s stated, “But it was just my imagination runnin’ away with me.” Although entertaining, I’d rather not treat and manage one’s imagination.
Memory-related elements of the past and Ellis’ perspective regarding the same aren’t to be confused with his presumed advocacy for postmodern philosophy or constructivist cognitive therapy. I doubt Ellis was in to wasting his precious time on make-believe.
Concerning this matter, the aforementioned REBT source continues:
REBT differs from the postmodernist philosophers and the constructivist cognitive therapists such as Mahoney (1991) and Neimeyer (1993) in two ways. First, these constructivist therapists believe that the sole criterion to assess beliefs is their utility or viability.
Empirical reality is not a criterion. The extreme constructivists maintain there is no knowable reality. REBT posits that empirical reality is an important criterion and that one needs to assess the empirical veracity of one’s beliefs along with their utility and logical consistency.
Second, constructivist therapists believe that therapists should help clients examine the viability of their ideas. They would not provide alternative beliefs for clients, but would allow clients to develop alternatives on their own.
As a philosophy of life, REBT posits that there are some rational alternative beliefs that will promote emotional adjustment. Learning through self-discovery is valued in REBT, but if the client fails to generate alternative beliefs, we would offer alternatives for them and help them assess the veracity and viability of these alternatives.
Noteworthy, REBT doesn’t fully reject elements of the past. Still, significant value isn’t placed on memories. As well, REBT theory doesn’t regard an individual’s imagined representations of yesterday and associated beliefs as that which reflects objective truth.
Therefore, when working with clients concerning memories related to elements of the past, I tend to focus more on what it is people tell themselves about undesirable events. “What is it that you believe about having apparently been abducted by aliens which is causing you distress?” I might ask.
This approach takes the focus off of the event and places it on one’s assumptions about a situation which an individual considers most distressing. I can’t undo the past. However, I can try to help people with alternative beliefs which may better serve their interests and goals today.
After all, much like Tenaglia’s house music track that layers various sounds upon each other, memory-related elements of the past can be formed of various tiers of constructed and reconstructed information. Not always is this data valid or reliable.
What do you think about the REBT approach to rational living? If you’d prefer to spend a lot of time and money discussing events of the past – or what you may’ve created in your mind about what actually occurred – perhaps an analyst would better serve your wellness criteria.
Also, if you’d like to have someone treat or manage what could in effect be little more than your imagination regarding elements of the past, maybe an EMDR therapist would better suit your expectations. Plausibly, many other modalities would entertain your desire for addressing self-created elements of the past.
However, if you recognize the past as an unchangeable reflection within your mind that doesn’t cause you to self-disturb in the present, and you want to take personal ownership of your unhelpful beliefs in regard to elements of the past, REBT could possibly be what you’re looking for.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s original EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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