Growing up, I sometimes heard the adage “same shit, different toilet” to vulgarly describe that the same problem may persist in regard to differing situations. Are you familiar with this saying?
For an example related to this phrase, I ask that you grant me a personal anecdote concerning my Marine roommate in Okinawa, Japan. He had a reputation of clogging toilets with his massively-sized shits. One evening, when dining at an Okinawan restaurant, the following scene unfolded:
Roommate: I need to hit the head [restroom] before we go.
Me: Man, you always gotta go. Try not to clog their toilet, man.
Roommate: [returning from the restroom] We gotta go.
Me: Brother, some of us are still eating. We can head out in a bit.
Roommate: You don’t understand. We gotta go now!
Me: You did it again, didn’t you?
Roommate: [having gathered his jacket while heading for the entrance] I’m out!
[toilet apparently overflowing, as staff members rushed to the restroom]
Italicized above are different iterations of prescriptive language related to demandingness—one of the four major irrational beliefs addressed in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Noteworthy, not all prescriptions of this sort cause unpleasant self-disturbance.
For instance, when stating, “I need to hit the head,” my roommate utilized a helpful recommendatory should statement. In essence, he was communicating, “I should use the restroom before we leave the restaurant.”
This sort of demand is personalized and doesn’t rigidly require other people to do anything other than wait, as my roomie took care of his personal business in a restroom. The burden on others was low, because a number of the Marines in our party were still eating anyway.
Alternatively, when my roommate used the unhelpful absolutistic should statement, “We gotta go,” Marines at the table weren’t prepared to acquiesce his demand. When we didn’t comply with what my roommate believed should have occurred, he endured a consequence of his belief.
This belief-consequence (B-C) connection is the process of self-disturbance addressed in REBT through use of the ABC model. Rather than Activating events, people disturb themselves with Beliefs about occurrences. These assumptions then cause unpleasant Consequences.
Thus, my roomie disturbed himself into an irritable mood (emotion) and stormed out of the restaurant (behavior). Rather than learning to obey his future demands, Marines at the table used the event to affectionately tease my roommate for the duration of his time in Okinawa.
Marines formally recognized his toileting behavior during my roommate’s farewell ceremony by awarding him a plaque that referenced how it didn’t matter the toilet, the same shitty behavior remained consistent. Same shit, different toilet. (That guy wrecked many toilets!)
Worth noting, my roommate wasn’t his behavior. Although he had a reputation of shutting down toilets when shitting, he wasn’t shitty. This is a key distinction that I highlight when teaching people about REBT. We aren’t our behavior.
In any event, a number of years after leaving Okinawa and when on a hike in southern California, I came across a porta-potty that was close to overflowing. In that moment, I laughed when remembering my roommate from Okinawa. Same shit, different toilet!
Now, I use the psychoeducational lesson illustrated herein when addressing the topic of insurance. Recently, two significant events have drawn the attention of our nation’s citizens in regard to the insurance industry.
First, is the matter of Luigi Mangione being a suspect in the killing of Brian Thompson, the CEO of UnitedHealthcare. Second, is the issue of reported insurance policy cancellations regarding fires which are currently burning in Los Angeles, California.
Apparently, the former incident has led to people rightfully questioning the function of medical insurance providers while the latter has led to similar critical thought regarding homeowners and renters insurance. I think these are important discussions in which to engage.
Within my blog, I’ve addressed my concerns with medical insurance coverage. As a matter of full disclosure, I don’t appreciate the home warranty and insurance companies I’ve used throughout the years and which ostensibly operate under a similar business model.
Not going as far as to make the defamatory claim that such practices are outright scams, I find it difficult to not call something a duck when it waddles, quacks, has a bill and a stout body, presents with webbed feet, and is categorized as waterfowl. Maybe it’s a goose.
In any instance, it’s been my subjective experience that even when refraining from using the very insurance service to which I contribute a relatively significant portion of my annual spending; my rates continue to increase year after year. Have you noticed a similar effect?
As an example, my homeowners association fees have substantially increased over the past year. When justification is provided for this hike in dues, I’m told that insurance has “quadrupled” for housing structures in my area. Yet, we’ve not be subject to any natural disasters.
Likewise, my personal homeowners and car insurance jumped up $200 more in the past year than it cost in the previous year, though I’ve not filed any recent claims. There’s been no relevant justification offered for this increase other than being told, “You live in Texas.” Okay…?
Rather than self-disturbing with a B-C connection, I acknowledge that I have no control and little influence over this matter. Similarly, I remind myself of the adage “same shit, different toilet.”
Whether it relates to dissatisfaction with home or vehicle insurance, reports of health insurance matters for the clients with whom I work, or national conversations about insurance in general, I recognize it all as the same shitty behavior. Only, there’s a different toilet involved with each account.
Admittedly, this method of rational living does nothing to alter the Activing event. And why absolutistically should it? REBT isn’t about changing undesirable occurrences. Alternatively, practice of this psychotherapeutic modality relates to altering one’s own Beliefs.
With the ABC model, Activating events and Consequences aren’t Disputed, as only unproductive Beliefs are challenged. To put things a bit more crudely, the same shitty behavior will likely occur from one insurance company to the next.
It’s the same shit, different toilet. It truly doesn’t matter if it’s insurance company X or homeowner warranty business Y. It’s all the same shit. The problem, or activating event, is the toilet.
Still, just because it’s the same shit, different toilet doesn’t mean that you should be self-disturbed. Regarding this matter, I’m reminded of a humorous REBT saying, “Stop shoulding [shitting] everywhere!”
From this perspective, shittiness will occur at the relative same rate as my old roommate clogged toilets in Okinawa. Shit happens. The action is all part of the same toilet. Yet, you don’t gotta disturb yourself with unfavorable beliefs about the matter.
REBT is the helpful method I use in this regard. Perhaps you, too, could benefit from wiping your own ass—disputing unproductive beliefs which play into the B-C connection. If you’d like to know more about how this is accomplished, I’m here to try to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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Phillipp, C. (2025, January 12). Tyler Perry calls out insurance companies in heartfelt post amid L.A. fires as he aims to ‘do all I can to help.’ People. Retrieved from https://people.com/tyler-perry-calls-out-insurance-companies-in-heartfelt-post-amid-la-fires-as-he-aims-to-do-all-i-can-to-help-8773234
Washington Post, The. (2025, January 15). Strong winds bring threat of new fire and destruction to Los Angeles. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/weather/2025/01/15/los-angeles-fires-california-wind-containment-updates/
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Killing of Brian Thompson. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Killing_of_Brian_Thompson
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