From time to time, I find it interesting to learn what clients think as I practice professional use of self by revealing personal anecdotes about my life. Not long ago, one of these amusing stories served the client’s interests and goals, and I laughed out loud from the response I received.
Client X discussed her frequent attendance at raves—electronic dance music (EDM) dance parties which take place in clubs, warehouses, open fields, stadiums, convention centers, and other venues. Self-disturbingly, client X’s beliefs about the opinions of others impacted her life.
From the perspective of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), criticism about client X’s attendance at raves (Action) isn’t what caused irritability with other people and subsequent masking of her behavior (Consequence). There was no Action-Consequence connection at play.
Rather, the ABC model used in REBT suggests a Belief-Consequence connection regarding self-disturbance. People criticize client X (Action), she irrationally Believes, “People must accept me as I am,” and when her personal philosophy is violated client X becomes irritable and hides her behavior (Consequence).
Essentially, client X upsets herself with unproductive beliefs about what others think of her lifestyle. As a result, she suppresses a different side of herself that she assumes will cause uncomfortable outcomes in her life.
When contemplating this matter, I’m reminded of a recent DJ set to which I listened from Merve Asar. She spun a track called “Different Side” by Michael Bibi ad KinAhau, and featuring Audio Bullys. Lyrics of the house music song include:
There’s things I haven’t told you
I go out late at night
But if I was to tell you
You’d see my different side
Similar to lyrics inferred on the house track, client X experiences guilt and shame regarding her lifestyle. Guilt concerns a feeling of deserving blame, especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy. Thus, guilt is experienced as internal strife associated with one’s actions.
Shame relates to a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety that serves as a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute. Comparable to guilt, shame is experienced internally though results from the perception of what others believe.
In the case of client X, she experiences guilt when unfavorably believing that she’s done something wrong by attending raves. Likewise, she experiences shame when others express condemnation of her raving behavior.
Thus, guilt originates from inside of oneself and shame manifests from outside of the individual. Nevertheless, it isn’t the presence of guilt and shame that cause client X’s irritability and suppression of information related to her rave activities.
Guilt, shame, and irritability are all emotive states. Active concealment of her actions is a behavioral state. Still, all of these reactions are merely consequences of client X’s unproductive belief structure. Rather than disputing her unhelpful attitude, client X hides her different side.
This is where professional use of self came in handy. “You know, I used to rave back in the late nineties and early two-thousands,” I informed client X. “Really? You did?” she replied. I laughed out loud, because the age gap between client X and I warranted her expression of disbelief.
I went on to briefly address specific venues and DJs which were historically popular. I stated, “I was at a rave in Lima, Peru where DJ Keoki was spinning. He mixed in live vocals of a singer, with whom he shared a stage, he got out of the booth, and then he danced with attendees!”
The client expressed surprise regarding the anecdote. Apparently, she didn’t know that the psychotherapist she selected was a former raver. I, too, had a different side. However, unlike client X, I wasn’t guilty or shameful, irritable or concealing in regard to my behavior.
Sharing with client X the helpful technique of unconditional acceptance, which may be used in unison with the ABC model, she’s since learned not to self-disturb about her different side. Now, she parties according to the original meaning of rave culture: peace, love, unity, and respect.
Perhaps you, too, have things you haven’t told others. Maybe you go out late at night. Suppose you were to tell others and they’d see your different side. Could you tolerate and accept the fact that not everyone will agree with your lifestyle?
My guess is that client X very well could be dancing the night away into her elderly years. While this may not be an ideal lifestyle for everyone, it suits her interests and goals just fine. Would you like to know more about how to achieve a similar level of humanistic self-acceptance?
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s original EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Asar, M. (2024, May 16). Tech house & techno DJ set I Merve Asar @catstudio I Turkey [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/QD9r78z0zgk?si=_OYxRsX-Is4xY40k
Bibi, M. (2023, March 3). Different Side - Michael Bibi & Kinahau, feat. Audio Bullys [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/NB95LaBYdsA?si=QJOEy_X_7Wd619Bh
Freepik. (n.d.). Medium shot woman posing futuristic portrait [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-ai-image/medium-shot-woman-posing-futuristic-portrait_133768910.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=23&uuid=a8a386fa-c5f8-4208-abc2-5200093a50bb
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