Destructive Disclosure

[DISCLAIMER]

Property of Paramount Television Studios, fair use

*Spoilers to The Offer contained herein

I recently watched The Offer (2022), a biographical drama television miniseries that follows the development and production of The Godfather (1972) for Paramount Pictures. In episode four, an intimate partner couple visits a psychotherapist and the following dialogue unfolds:

Françoise: I’m tired of having the same conversation over and over again.

Albert: That makes two of us.

Psychotherapist: And what conversation is that, Françoise?

Françoise: Well, he’s never honest with me. And, and, and it’s hurting me.

Albert: What do I lie about?

Françoise: Al, you lied about everything. You, you lied about Mickey Cohen and the fact that you’re now in bed with the Mafia. And now you’re lying about wanting to be my partner.

Albert: You are my partner.

Françoise: No, I’m not. Nobody is.

Psychotherapist: Françoise, can you tell Al what you mean by that?

Françoise: You’re placating me. You don’t treat me like an equal. Do you think I’m too delicate or something?

Albert: No, I think you’re tough as nails.

Françoise: Then treat me with respect.

Albert: I’m sorry.

Françoise: I don’t want you to be sorry or say what you think I wanna hear. I just want you to be real. Be honest. That’s, that’s all I’ve ever asked of you. Life is complicated. I understand, some things are private, no problem. But some things aren’t, or at least they shouldn’t be. And the truth isn’t complicated, it’s always the truth. And if someone’s your partner, you don’t bend it or avoid it. You fucking tell it!

Albert: [deep sigh] I don’t want to produce with you. I need to do this on my own. I love you. I wanna be with you. But this… this movie, I just need one thing that’s my own.

Françoise: [wipes away tears] Okay. I asked you for the truth and you gave it to me, so thank you.

In the miniseries, Françoise begins encroaching upon Albert’s work endeavors as a producer of films when expressing her interest in also becoming a producer. Rather than using open, honest, and vulnerable communication about his reservations, Albert merely avoids the topic.

His unpleasant behavioral consequence is likely caused by an irrational belief such as, “I can’t stand that my social and work lives are blending, so Françoise shouldn’t burden me.” As well, he probably believes, “Being truthful with her would be awful, so instead I’ll say nothing at all.”

Using the ABC model of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), Albert’s belief-consequence (B-C) connection is what causes self-disturbance in the form of unpleasant behavioral avoidance. It’s also possible that fear underlies this evasive reaction.

As though one fallible human being’s self-upsetting experience isn’t challenging enough on its own, Françoise simultaneously uses a B-C connection when disturbing herself. In particular, she expresses both absolutistic and conditional beliefs which cause her angry response.

For example, Françoise states, “I understand, some things are private, no problem. But some things aren’t, or at least they shouldn’t be. And the truth isn’t complicated, it’s always the truth.” This is an absolutistic demand in regard to what she believes unquestionably should be the case.

As well, Françoise states in regard to truth, “And if someone’s your partner, you don’t bend it or avoid it. You fucking tell it!” This represents a conditional demand whereby if Albert is truly a romantic partner, then he unequivocally shouldn’t avoid the truth.

Absolutistic and conditional beliefs of this kind serve as rigid commanding prescriptions with which Françoise leaves little or no room for exception. When both Albert and Françoise use self-disturbing beliefs and aren’t willing or able to properly communicate, their relationship suffers.

In therapy, Albert truthfully discloses to Françoise that from which perhaps he was protecting her when admitting that although he loves and wants to be with her, Albert doesn’t want to produce films with his partner. This admission serves as the death knell of the relationship.

Sometimes, disclosing truth can have destructive consequences. Representing this matter through use of logic and reason, consider the following syllogism:

Form (destructive dilemma) –

If p, then q; and if r, then s; but either not q or not s; therefore, either not p or not r.

Example –

If I disclose truth, then my partner may self-disturb with irrational beliefs; and if I avoid disclosing truth, then my partner may not trust me; but either I won’t disclose truth or I won’t avoid disclosing truth. Therefore, either my partner may not self-disturb with irrational beliefs or my partner may trust me.

Understandably, more complex syllogisms such as a destructive dilemma can seem confusing. However, consider the logical premise that leads to a reasonable conclusion when stated another way.

Either I’ll lie while my partner doesn’t upset herself with irrational beliefs (because a lie may not cause the same problems which truth inevitably will) or I’ll speak truth and my partner will trust me (even though she may choose to leave me when disagreeing with my disclosure).

Noteworthy, in the biblical book of John, chapter 8 and verse 32, Yeshua (Jesus) stated in regard to adherence to His teaching, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Even nonbelievers of the Christian faith tend to echo this line.

Nevertheless, disclosed truth and the freedom that follows from its use can be destructive. As a simple example, imagine that you ask your intimate partner, “Are you cheating on me?” Rather than hemming and hawing, you partner responds, “Absolutely! I’ve cheated since day one.”

Such disclose represents truth. Equally, it may destroy your relationship if your beliefs about the matter produce an unaccommodating reaction. Thus, I invite you to consider how destructive disclosure functions in reality rather than in an ideal-world scenario.

Often, I work with people who’ve received truthful disclosure while self-disturbing with unproductive beliefs regarding such matters. Helpfully, REBT serves as a method of rational living by which you can practice unconditional acceptance when faced with truth.

Though truth may set you free, your beliefs about truth can imprison you in despair. Rather than self-disturbing, perhaps you could unconditionally accept reality as it is – which is what Françoise ultimately did – and carry on about your life despite destructive disclosure.

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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