Having awoken earlier than expected, I was lethargic this morning. Although I could’ve remained in bed and adjusted today’s schedule accordingly, I didn’t ask myself, “Do I wanna get up?” Rather, I simply got out of bed and began my day when unable to fall asleep again.
Per usual, I performed a fasted warmup using an elliptical machine. “Good, I’m waking up,” I thought. Then, I conducted weight training. At first, there was a noted loss of mind-muscle connection to which I attributed a lack of proper rest and recovery while sleeping.
As the training session continued, I was able to adequately use concentric and eccentric overload contractions to achieve muscular hypertrophy. Following the weight session, I tended to my usual schedule and routine which I maintain with flexibility.
This included eating, showering, journaling, and other daily activities in which I engage. Describing this form of self-maintenance, I stated in a blogpost entitled Self-Care:
When working with clients, I use an analogy of pizza when discussing self-care. Although I’ve been criticized for comparing a relatively unhealthy dish – to include alteration of this comparison to encompass fruit pizza – the analogy is merely meant to clarify the matter.
Suppose you have a pizza cut into six slices. One piece of the dish relates to the mental, emotional, and behavioral work conducted in a psychotherapy session. Still, another slice relates to homework which is completed outside of session.
One slice represents some form of physical fitness (i.e., hiking, yoga, weight training, walking, etc.). As well, one piece of the pizza relates to sleep hygiene – perhaps one of the most crucial elements of any self-care regimen.
Additionally, one portion of the overall dish represents one’s social endeavors (i.e., friends, family, children, loved ones, etc.). And the final slice may involve journaling. Just as pizza comes in many varieties, so does self-care.
Some clients incorporate religious or spiritual practice into their pizza while others value nutrition, volunteerism, or incorporating nature into their practice. Each of my clients’ pizza is unique to them.
This holistic approach to well-being is different from that of self-soothing (i.e., watching a movie or streaming program, receiving a massage or pedicure, knitting, etc.). In a blogpost entitled Chosen Suffering, in which I reflected upon my time in the military, I made the following distinction:
I think it’s important to build resilience—what Marines call “intestinal fortitude” (guts)—in order to better manage the effects of suffering. Therefore, when negotiating homework with clients I differentiate between self-soothing and self-care for this very reason.
Although it would’ve been soothing to have remained in bed this morning, I chose a mild form of suffering by getting up and completing a workout. Was this because I’m a military veteran who was conditioned to perform at a higher level of endurance than civilians? No.
Was it because, as one Navy SEAL cadence suggests of those who expect more of themselves, “Anyone do this just ain’t right”? No. Am I legitimately insane for choosing suffering? No.
Rather, my professional and personal approach to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) incorporates elements of chosen suffering in the form of daily self-care so that clients and I can practice high frustration tolerance (HFT). This method of wellness has more than one effect.
For instance, although I would’ve rather stayed in bed this morning, I got up and challenged myself to push through discomfort. Having completed physical training, my body can grow ever so slightly. Likewise, my resistance to emotional despair grows.
As an example, suppose that at some point today I receive unfortunate news about the death of a loved one. Without daily practice of HFT – challenging the narrative of low frustration tolerance which in REBT is known as the I-can’t-stand-it self-disturbing belief – I may take the news poorly.
However, because I incrementally use self-discipline, I’m more resilient in the face of suffering. Thus, I choose some form of challenging self-care on a daily basis so that when events which are often correlated with suffering inevitably unfold, I’ll have built up my mind and body to endure such experiences.
This practice is in accordance with page 182 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion which promotes daily self-care even when people aren’t experiencing disturbance in the moment. One slight modification I’d make to this proposal relates to self-care “especially when not experiencing disturbance.”
I state this, because self-care with an element of chosen suffering can become routine practice rather than merely a go-to strategy when a person needs an effective method of coping with distress. Therefore, I strongly encourage people to practice daily self-care.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Brightwell, C. (2016, December 14). Intestinal fortitude. The Sauntering Veteran. Retrieved from https://medium.com/@CraigBrightwell/intestinal-fortitude-b17f45ca037a
Cadence 234. (2020, June 24). Seal.team.baby cadence [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/4nkpnwGjQTk
Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2003). The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Albert Ellis Institute. ISBN 0-917476-26-3. Library of Congress Control Number: 20031044378
Freepik. (n.d.). Man doing bodybuilding [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/man-doing-bodybuilding_1265849.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=23&uuid=f3788829-de47-455b-ae8a-d97b095c999e
Hollings, D. (2022, October 24). Chosen suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/chosen-suffering
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2024, February 25). Doing the work. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/doing-the-work
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2024, February 24). High frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/high-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (2022, May 31). Holistic approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/holistic-approach-to-mental-health
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2024, April 18). Homework. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/homework
Hollings, D. (2022, December 9). Journaling. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/journaling
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, May 8). Resilience. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/resilience
Hollings, D. (2024, May 6). Self-care. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-care
Hollings, D. (2024, April 30). Self-discipline. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-discipline
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2023, September 6). The absence of suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-absence-of-suffering
MentalHelp.net. (n.d.). Self-soothing techniques: Distraction. Retrieved from https://www.mentalhelp.net/self-help/self-soothing-techniques-distraction/
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