If memory serves it was during my sophomore year at Amarillo High School (AHS) that I was introduced to Connie, a speech educator and debate coach. A number of times within my blog, I’ve discussed my experience in association with her.
For instance, in a blogpost entitled Let’s Have a Discussion, I stated:
When encountering differences of opinion, I’d hear people say, “Let’s have a discussion” about any given matter.
This arguably healthy ploy related to the presentation of ideas, fostered use of logic and reason, and afforded ideologically divided parties an opportunity to persuade people toward one side or another of a topic. The experience reminded me of my time in high school when I took a debate class.
Then, I learned that in cross-examination [CX], Lincoln-Douglas, public forum, and other types of debate or discourse, interlocutor X wasn’t attempting to convince interlocutor Y of a particular rhetorical, theoretical, sociopolitical, or ideological stance. Rather, the undecided listener Z was the focus of persuasive argumentation.
Connie taught me the difference between an irrational argument and a rational debate. Although I was familiar with arguing for the sake of argument, debate was intended to influence people by persuading them to my presented style and content of argumentation.
Expanding upon this point, I stated in a blog entry entitled Facts Don’t Care About Your Feelings, “Having taken speech class in high school, I learned that the purpose of debate is to persuade the undecided audience member and not the opposing side of an argument.”
Connie instructed me that it would be unlikely that I would persuade my opponent from a particular issue during a formal debate. Therefore, my aim was to persuade the judges and undecided members of the audience to accept my carefully presented proposals.
Instruction received from my former educator has helped me immensely with the practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Using this psychotherapeutic modality, I attempt to persuade people to adopt helpful versus unhelpful beliefs in order to improve the quality of their lives.
Because of her influence on my perspective, Connie had an overall positive impact on me. Of course, it would be disingenuous for me to present her inspiration as entirely pleasant or desirable during the time at which I had active contact with the speech teacher.
In a blogpost entitled REBT Flexibility, I stated, “In high school, I met a ballerina who attended the same debate club of which I was a member until I was disinvited by the educator in charge, because of my unruly attitude.” Connie kicked me out of debate club and I didn’t like that experience.
For context, my friends “Moby” and “Lil’ Caesar,” I behaved disruptively in class, during debate club practice, and at debate tournaments. While I can’t speak on behalf of my friends, I take personal responsibility and accountability for my past actions.
Failing to adequately prepare for a debate hosted by West Texas A&M University didn’t render a desired performance. Connie took note.
Keeping time for Moby as he unethically participated in CX debate for a tournament hosted by AHS was apparently unfathomable to Connie and could’ve damaged her reputation within the local debate community. Subsequently, Moby and I duly received reprimand for our behavior.
Running amok in the halls of halls of Tascosa High School and adlibbing words to a piece of prose I was expected to have committed to memory was the final strike against my behavior. It didn’t help that I made up lines which were chock-full of sexual innuendos. After that incident, Connie had enough of my actions.
I don’t blame her. How many chances was Connie reasonably expected to give me? Her response to my behavior was justified. Thus, being booted from the debate club was my fault and not a moral or ethical failing of Connie. Understandably, I didn’t always have this healthy perspective.
Several years after graduating AHS, when serving in Okinawa, Japan as a Marine, I discovered electronic dance music (EDM) spun by DJ Irene. In specific, she presented the world with hard house music.
When seeing the cover of DJ Irene’s Progressive Dance Mix Volume 1 (1999), I thought of Connie. Although it may be due to a distorted memory, I thought the talented hard house DJ resembled my former educator:
A couple years later, DJ Irene released a banger of an album entitled Audio Underground (2001). The anthology contained a track from Junior Jack called “My Feeling,” which reminded me of Connie.
Featuring a sample of “Saturday Love” by Alexander O’Neal and Cherrelle, lyrics include, “When I think about you, my feelings can’t explain. Why after all this time, my feelings can’t explain?” though the final line from the original song is “my heart still feels pain.”
The reason I thought of Connie when hearing DJ Irene’s version of “Saturday Love” was due to the fact that after all the time following my attendance at AHS, I couldn’t explain why I was self-disturbed about having been kicked out of the debate club.
Why after all that time was I still ruminating about perceived rejection? My feelings (emotions and bodily sensations) couldn’t explain the reason. After all, feelings aren’t necessarily subject to rationality.
Furthermore, without use of the rational approach to problem-solving taught to me by Connie, I was unlikely to understand the matter. It was many years after first meeting the speech educator that I finally figured out how perceived rejection from Connie impacted my feelings.
My perception of being kicked out of the debate club was comprised of irrational beliefs, also known as attitudes or philosophies of life. In specific, I unhelpfully used demandingness (D), awfulizing (A), low frustration tolerance (LFT), and global evaluations (GE).
For instance, I unproductively believed something along the lines of, “I shouldn’t [D] have been rejected and it’s awful [A] that I was! I can’t stand [LFT] that Connie didn’t have more patience with me. In fact, she’s a worthless teacher [GE], as far as I’m concerned.”
Viewing this matter through the lens of the ABC model, I understand that the activating event (being booted from the debate club) didn’t result in the consequence of unpleasant feelings which I couldn’t explain. There was no activating event-consequence connection of this sort.
Instead, there was a belief-consequence connection that produced previously unexplainable feelings. My unproductive use of D, A, LFT, and GE – all which served as unhelpful perceptions – is what caused undesirable feelings in the form of emotions and physical sensations.
REBT demonstrates this self-disturbing process and shows people how to stop it. Recently, when speaking with someone about a lesson regarding use of the word “but” while providing a psychoeducational lesson about REBT, I was once again reminded of Connie.
“When you use the word ‘but’ in a sentence, anything that precedes it is negated,” I recall Connie saying. As an example, an individual may state, “REBT techniques could help me get better rather than merely helping me to feel better, but rational living is so hard!”
Using Connie’s insightful instruction, and eliminating the “but” that separates the claim, here’s how that sentence comes across: REBT techniques could help me get better rather than merely helping me to feel better, but rational living is so hard!
The negated part of the sentence serves as a discarded helpful description while the remaining portion of the claim relates to an unhelpful prescription. This description-prescription interplay is negated with use of the word “but,” leaving an unhelpful perception (inferred demand) of life.
As such, a person who self-disturbs prescriptively perceives that “rational living is so hard!” The distorted inference is that because “rational living is so hard,” a person shouldn’t, mustn’t, or oughtn’t to pursue practice of REBT unless the modality is easier to use.
Just as Connie was justified in her decision to reject my ability to participate in debate club activities, due to my unruly behavior, an individual can practice disputation of unhelpful philosophies of life and reject such irrational attitudes which cause unpleasant consequences.
Although Connie is likely unaware of this fact, her influence in my life contributed to my decision to pursue a Bachelor of Science in Occupational Education (with a focus on justice administration) and my subsequent pursuit of psychoeducational delivery regarding REBT.
It was my AHS speech class educator who showed me how to use logical and reasonable arguments to persuade others. Now, I employ this lesson in my personal and professional practice of REBT. In fact, I’ve used this method throughout the current blogpost.
To Connie, I remain grateful for the comfortable and uncomfortable lessons associated with her method of instruction. Now, my feelings are no longer unexplainable. Thus, when experiencing unpleasant consequences, I can alter such outcomes through use of helpful persuasion.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s original EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Alexander O’Neal Official. (2012, November 20). Alexander O’Neal & Cherrelle – “Saturday Love” [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/WfmTq2B31tE?si=xsmu-e-ATNeuH0Ki
Amazon. (n.d.). Progressive dance mix vol 1 [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.amazon.com/PROGRESSIVE-DANCE-MIX-VOL-1/dp/B00006BXIA
Hardhouse Generation. (2018, January 20). Dj Irene “Audio Underground” (2001) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/Lm8Z1yy6QQo?si=cfsKNE6oEZb4Lio5
Hardhouse Generation. (2017, February 15). Dj Irene Pres “Progressive Dance Mix” (1999) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/6OiQBUEzE9o?si=6UMZHK_MZ9g2YZBf
Hollings, D. (2024, August 7). Awfulizing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/awfulizing
Hollings, D. (2024, June 2). Blame. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/blame
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Hollings, D. (2022, October 5). Description vs. prescription. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/description-vs-prescription
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
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Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance
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Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership
Hollings, D. (2023, March 20). Practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/practice
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Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2024, June 6). Stop it. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stop-it
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Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection
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Junior Jack – Topic. (2014, November 26). My Feeling (Daddy’s Prime Time Edit) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/Iv3cYxS81nM?si=2bd4BHDeS_BKPH2k
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Alexander O’Neal. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_O%27Neal
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Cherrelle. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cherrelle
Wikipedia. (n.d.). DJ Irene. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DJ_Irene
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Junior Jack. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Junior_Jack
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