With my approach to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I invite people to consider how little control and influence they have in life. This fundamental concept is an integral factor for understanding, believing in, and practicing my method of REBT.
Noteworthy, I draw heavily upon Stephen Covey’s concept of the circles of concern and influence in this regard. Essentially, one’s circle of control is the self, the circle of influence relates to others, and the circle of concern encompasses everything else on Earth.
For the sake of truth and reality, you have control of only yourself and to a limited degree. For instance, with nothing more than mental processes you may not be able to hold your breath or stop blinking beyond a definite point in time.
Eventually, your unconscious and automatic processes will override the conscious interruption of the self. Thus, while you – which is identified with the self – have some control, you don’t retain full control within this circle.
Given this perspective, you may have influence over other people, animals, or matters – and to a limited degree. As an example, you may be able to convince a loved one to stop smoking for the sake of improved help.
However, your loved one also has a circle of control in which your expressed value on the individual’s life isn’t shared. Although this person may appreciate that you care, your loved one may value tobacco use more than your opinion.
Your attempt at influencing the behavior of your loved one likely won’t prove successful. Thus, you may be able to influence though you can’t control other people. In this way, you have control of only yourself – and to a limited degree – and restricted influence over others.
With this understanding, you likely have no meaningful control or influence within the circle of concern. This includes matters relating to life and death, the past and future, plants and animals beyond your reach, war and peace, and so on and so forth.
From time to time, I receive challenge to this proposal. “Deric, I can control whether or not someone lives if I shoot the person in the heart,” an individual may cleverly opine, “and I can influence whether or not an animal on another continent goes extinct by donating money to a cause to protect wildlife.”
It’s important to understand that when I’m discussing circles herein, I’m not speaking in absolute terms. Generally speaking, people have limited control over themselves and restricted influence over other people, animals, or other matters.
Likewise, on average, individuals have negligible influence or control within the circle of concern. Although there are exceptions to this rule, such exceptions prove the existence of the rule rather than disproving it altogether. Noteworthy, in a blogpost entitled Control I stated:
It’s worth noting that some people suggest there is a fourth dimension, the area of no concern. In this realm are things about which one knows nothing—though they still may exist—and one has no control, influence, or concern regarding the unknown (e.g., whether or not there is an alternate version of yourself in another dimension who is eating cake at this very moment).
The area of no concern may be so vast that it’s not limited to the mere form of a circle. For instance, my particular circles of control, influence, and concern – along with the area of no concern – are illustrated in the following picture:
Photo credit (edited), fair use
Notice that from the vantage point of space, you can’t even see the shape of my circles of control or influence. I control only myself and you can’t observe me from space without assistance of a magnifying instrument.
As well, there are people over which I may have some influence (i.e., friends, loved ones, clients, etc.). Yet, you can’t see them from the perspective of space any easier than you can spot me.
Still, there are many matters on the Earth with which I’m concerned. Personally, I suspect there’ll be violence within the United States (U.S.) regardless of which candidate is victorious in the upcoming presidential election. Of this, I’m concerned.
Likewise, I’m concerned with the redistribution of U.S. funds to other nations that remain at conflict with one another. As a taxpayer, I’d rather know that revenue involuntarily extracted from citizens (i.e., taxes) was used to support people within the U.S. Regarding this, I’m concerned.
In fact, I could list a great number of matters with which I’m concerned. As well, I could imagine a virtually infinite number of issues with which to be concerned and of which are maintained within the realm of no concern. How would doing so serve me?
Given the vantage point of space, I find it a rational use of my time to consider how many matters I’m willing to devote resources (i.e., time, money, emotions, etc.) toward with understanding that I have exceedingly limited control and influence in life.
Importantly, it isn’t that I don’t care about matters within the circles of concern and no concern. Rather, I realize that I can control only myself (and to a limited degree) and may influence others (and to a limited degree).
Additionally, I comprehend that my resources are limited. For instance, I could devote an exorbitant amount of time toward worrying (emotion) about the upcoming presidential election and self-disturbing to a significant degree.
I could neglect self-care (circle of control) and abandon assistance offered to clients (circle of influence) while upsetting myself about whether or not there’ll be violence in the streets of the U.S. during 2025 (circle of concern). Many people choose to self-disturb in such a manner.
As well, I could even work myself into a cognitive, emotive, and behavioral frenzy about whether or not psychically-enhanced extraterrestrials which represent a past life in an alternative dimension are telepathically toying with humanity at this very moment (area of no concern).
However, doing so isn’t aligned with my interests and goals. Consequently, I choose to focus on the circles of control and influence, exercise rational compassion regarding the circle of concern, and largely ignore the area of no concern.
Even with this method, I approach the circle of influence with flexible hope and without rigid conditions, as I use unconditional acceptance in relation to control, influence, concern, and no concern. This is how I practice rational living.
Presuming you’ve read this post up until this point, you likely understand how unhelpful it may be to divert too many resources toward concern and no concern. Of course, you can upset yourself about such matters if you choose. The choice is yours to make.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Develop Partnership, The. (2015). Stephen Covey’s circle of concern and circle of influence. Retrieved from https://dplearningzone.the-dp.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2015/06/Covey.pdf
Freepik. (n.d.). 3d rendering of planet earth [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/3d-rendering-planet-earth_44957896.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=24&uuid=e0867d74-5c3c-44bc-ac89-a867b368ef83
Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern
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Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
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Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2024, May 6). Self-care. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-care
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2022, July 11). Unconditional acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2024, January 16). Understanding, belief, and practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/understanding-belief-and-practice
Hollings, D. (2022, August 8). Was Freud right? Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/was-freud-right
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