Children's Story

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Photo credit, fair use

One of my fondest music-influenced memories from childhood involves my attendance at LL Cool J’s Nitro World Tour, which also featured Eazy-E, N.W.A, Slick Rick, De La Soul, and though he was scheduled to perform, Too $hort was unable to attend the Denver concert.

Memorably, when performing tracks from his album The Great Adventures of Slick Rick (1988), the crowd went wild as Slick Rick rapped the lyrics of “Children’s Story.” However, the artist didn’t receive a similar response when performing “Treat Her Like a Prostitute.”

If memory serves, people booed the rapper and I recall seeing them sitting down. I think I was 13-years-old at the time, and even as a child I could understand that the entertainer’s faux pas was one that likely wouldn’t fade from the collective memory of the Colorado crowd.

On the same night of the concert was a sporting event. Although the memory is reconstructive, I think the Denver Broncos were hosting an at-home game. Also, my dad reluctantly took me to the Nitro World Tour after being informed by his work colleagues about the musical lineup.

“Son,” my dad said over telephone from work on the afternoon before that evening’s concert, “did you know who all would be at the concert? A couple dudes here at the job said something about some ‘bitches’ and ‘hoes,’ and how we’re going to see some ‘Niggaz wit Attitudes’?”

Admittedly, I hadn’t counted on my dad discovering anything about the hip hop roster. For all he knew, my uncle who worked for Ticketmaster secured two tickets for an evening of delightful music. All I could think of during the call was that my dad’s work buddies burned me.

However, being a man of his word, my dad honored his commitment. He made it through almost the entire concert before tapping out during the set of LL Cool J, the headliner. “Son,” by dad said, “we gotta get outta here before this ends, otherwise we’ll be waiting forever for the bus.”

My dad was a frequent traveler of the Regional Transportation District bus system. As predicted, by the time we made our way to the bus stop, there were many fellow travelers from both the concert and the Broncos game.

When finally aboard, the bus was more crowded than any other time I’d recalled. At one stop, a woman entered the bus, looked around at the occupants, and began loudly criticizing the Broncos. Again, my memory is hazy though I think Denver lost that game.

However, what I do recall is that the erratically-behaving women squared up with a large man, looked him directly in the face while entering his personal space, and yelled, “The Broncos ain’t shit!” Her behavior had continued for many stops and culminated in one memorable moment.

The man had calmly pressed the notification strip signaling his intent to be let off at the next stop. In synchronicity, the bus came to a halt at the same moment that the woman yelled at the man while insulting the Broncos, as he was wearing a Broncos jersey.

As though the man was bestowed the divine touch of the Buddhist Palm from the film Kung Fu Hustle (2004), the man on the bus slapped the ever-loving shit outta the woman! Having been taught that males were never to strike females, I instantly looked toward my dad.

“Dad,” I excitedly said, though he hurriedly replied, “no, son. No right now.” If I’m lying, I’m dying; bystanders on the bus erupted in celebration. Slick Rick’s performance of “Children’s Story” received a similar glowing response. At that, the offending man quietly exited the bus.

Meanwhile, the woman bawled and pleaded for people to do something on her behalf. Predictably, people then turned toward criticizing her rather than what occurred in the moments preceding when she boldly chastised them. I was confused for the rest of the ride home.

Eventually, exiting at our stop, I said, “Dad!” It was at that time that my dad endured the uncomfortable process of imparting to me a lesson that I find many people misperceive in a similar way that he did. This matter relates to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

REBT theory maintains that when an undesirable Action occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the unexpected circumstance that causes unpleasant cognitive, emotional, sensational, and behavioral reactions as Consequences.

From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

For example, my dad explained to me that Actions have Consequences, supporting an A-C perspective. My dad proposed that of the naturalistic world phenomenon, the woman on the bus talked shit (Action) and as a result got hit (Consequence), yet this was an inaccurate conclusion.

In actuality, there was B-C interplay. The woman talked shit (Action) and the offending man likely Believed, “I can’t stand this bitch, so I should teach her a lesson about talkin’ all loud and shit!” As a result of this rigid attitude, the man experienced anger and physically battered the woman (Consequence).

Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.

Noteworthy, when explaining his misperception of the A-C connection, I realized that my dad was uncomfortable. After all, he’d taught me since before I ever entered school that males striking females was wrong. After the bus event, my dad attempted to apply a moral exception.

My dad likely knew that he was contradicting his own teaching (Action) and Believed, “I shouldn’t confuse my son,” and with B-C tension between his moral perspective and justification for shutting up an unruly bus passenger, my dad endured cognitive dissonance (Consequence).

When hearing the tale of my dad’s discomfort, I’ll encourage you much in the same way as Slick Rick did in “Children’s Story” when speaking to child characters in the song, “This ain’t funny, so don’t you dare laugh (Uh-huh). Just another case about the wrong path (Uh-huh).”

My dad’s misunderstanding of the A-C and B-C connections is a common occurrence. Thankfully, the ABC model outlines a causal link between unhelpful beliefs and unproductive consequences. Presuming that you understand this, I’ll end the post as Slick Rick ended his song, “Good night.”

If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW

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