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Writer's pictureDeric Hollings

Change Feels Strange

 

One thing I appreciate about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is that practitioners aren’t rigidly required to agree on all matters pertaining to this psychotherapeutic modality. In fact, not every adherent to REBT theory settles on particular verbiage used within the model.

 

Take for instance something I stated in a blogpost entitled Cognitive Distortions:

 

[A]lthough people often express to me that they “feel” one way or another, they often conflate hunches, suspicions, thoughts, and beliefs with the true nature of feelings – emotions or bodily sensations. I suspect you have familiarity with this occurrence.

 

Person X may say, “I feel like I’m worthless.” In this case, “feel” doesn’t represent joy, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, or other emotions. Likewise, it’s not the same thing as saying, “I feel hot,” or, “My throbbing head feels like it’s going to explode.”

 

Thus, person X’s statement doesn’t represent a feeling at all. (Not even a little bit.) Rather, this individual could accurately say, “I believe I’m worthless.

 

Personally, distinction between feeling (emotion and bodily sensation) and cognitive processes (hunches, suspicions, thoughts, and beliefs) actually matters. However, two leading REBT theorists, trainers, practitioners, and authors have stated:

 

Clients frequently complain of feeling ‘strange’ or ‘unnatural’ as they work towards attenuating their deeply held irrational beliefs and internalising [sic] a newly emerging rational outlook. This state is often called cognitive-emotive dissonance. Such a clash between old and new ways of thinking and feeling often leads to inner conflict or turmoil as ‘they [clients] see a better way, but cannot yet actualize it, so they conclude that they cannot possibly overcome their disturbance.”

 

Moreover, in a separate text, on page 188 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion, the authors state, “Prepare your clients for the ‘change feels strange’ phenomenon and encourage them to keep working for change even though it feels strange.” I respectfully disagree with the “change feels strange” proposal.

 

Even in the first quote, the authors draw a distinction between emotion/sensation (feeling) and cognition (thinking) by positing, “Such a clash between old and new ways of thinking and feeling often leads to inner conflict or turmoil […].” Thus, there remains a difference between these processes.

 

By endorsing misuse of relevant terms, I maintain clients learn that beliefs masquerading as feelings remain free from dispute. For context, if may be useful to know a bit about one of the key components of REBT.

 

REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.

 

In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.

 

Noteworthy, during Disputation, REBT practitioners don’t challenge the Action or the Consequence. For instance, if client X says, “I got fired from my job” (Action), I don’t Dispute this event, because that would be akin to the practice of denial.

 

Likewise, if client X reports feeling fear (Consequence) about not being able to pay rent in relation to the termination of employment, I don’t Dispute this emotional disturbance. To do otherwise would also function as endorsement of denial.

 

From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.

 

Client X may have repeatedly shown up late to work (Action) which resulted in being fired (Consequence). I don’t rebut Actions or Consequences, especially given that an actual A-C connection has taken place in client X’s case. Thus, I Dispute irrational Beliefs.

 

Client X may have repeatedly shown up late to work and was subsequently fired (Action). Regarding this event, client X unproductively Believes, “This is awful and I can’t stand that this is happening to me!” With this unhelpful narrative, client X feels fear (Consequence).

 

Because misuse of the term “feel” (or derivatives thereof) conflates Beliefs with Consequences (e.g., feeling the emotion of fear), it may confuse client X when I invite this individual to Dispute what the person “felt” about being fired. I don’t Dispute feelings, though I do challenge Beliefs.

 

Therefore, in the interest of clarity, one cannot “feel” strange. Admittedly, one may be uncomfortable with the feeling of fear associated with a belief about having been fired.

 

Likewise, when challenging unproductive beliefs, one may feel nervous energy in the body and a tingling sensation in one’s hands. If this emotive and bodily sensation experience is thought of as “strange,” it still isn’t as though “change feels strange.”

 

The words we use matter. Therefore, I try not to confuse clients by reinforcing misuse of the term “feel” (or derivatives thereof).

 

In any case, page 189 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion invites REBT practitioners to explain to clients that psychotherapeutic change is non-linear so that people won’t “become discouraged when they experience setbacks.” Don’t the authors mean when people “feel discouraged”? (See what I did there?)

 

If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.

 

As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.

 

At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!

 

 

Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW


 

References:

 

Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2003). The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Albert Ellis Institute. ISBN 0-917476-26-3. Library of Congress Control Number: 20031044378

Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2012). Working with resistance in rational emotive behaviour therapy: A practitioner’s guide. Routledge. Retrieved from https://www.pdfdrive.com/working-with-resistance-in-rational-emotive-behaviour-therapy-a-practitioners-guide-d175333460.html

Hollings, D. (2024, May 18). Cognitive distortions. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-distortions

Hollings, D. (2023, August 28). Confirmation bias and cognitive dissonance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/confirmation-bias-and-cognitive-dissonance

Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Denial. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/denial

Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer

Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use

Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better

Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations

Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/

Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs

Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching

Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance

Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing

Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities

Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist

Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt

Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous

Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance

Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation

Hollings, D. (2022, November 9). The ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-abc-model

Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection

Hollings, D. (2022, November 15). To don a hat. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-don-a-hat

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