In 1988, R&B group New Edition released their album Heart Break which featured the song “Can You Stand the Rain.” Lyrics include:
[Pre-chorus]
‘Cause I need somebody who will stand by me
Through the good times and bad times
She will always, always be right there
[Chorus]
Sunny days, everybody loves them
Tell me, baby, can you stand the rain?
Storms will come
This we know for sure (This we know for sure)
Can you stand the rain?
When living in Aurora, Colorado, the track was seemingly unavoidable. It played in heavy rotation on the radio, my cousin had the album, the song could be heard blaring from ghettoblasters at local parks, and the video for the track was often featured on BET.
Although I was young when the song was released, I understood that the lyrics served as an assessment of one’s ability to tolerate (stand) distress (rain). After all, “sunny days, everybody loves them,” the chorus asserted, though whether or not a person was able to endure the rain served as another matter altogether.
In the late ‘80s, the namesake of the song became part of the popular urban lexicon. I recall when humorously describing her inability to abide certain matters my late stepmom would say, “Ooou, I can’t stand the rain!”
Years following the New Edition track and popularization of its phrase, rapper Missy Elliott released her album Supa Dupa Fly (1997) which featured the song “The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly).” It sampled the 1974 Ann Peebles song “I Can’t Stand the Rain,” as the phrase regarding tolerance of hardship has a rich history.
Released during the same year as Supa Dupa Fly was Oakland, California hip hop duo Side 2 Syde’s album Sky Ballin’ which featured the track “Can You Stand the Pain,” paying homage to the New Edition song. The introduction to the rap track states:
To everybody that’s out there struggling, don’t even worry ‘bout it. Everybody go through the struggle every once in a while. But if you stay strong, keep yo’ mind focused, can’t nobody hold you down.
When considering the rain (distress) or pain (hardship) of a psychological or physiological nature, I appreciate songs such as “Can You Stand the Rain” and “Can You Stand the Pain.” These tracks draw attention to one’s perceived ability (or inability) to tolerate discomfort.
Further contemplating this music through the filter of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), I welcome a psychoeducational lesson on low frustration tolerance (LFT) and high frustration tolerance (HFT). Are you familiar with these concepts?
If LFT had a catchphrase it would be something along the lines of “I can’t stand it!” As an example, if your intimate partner abruptly terminates the romantic relationship you may unproductively believe, “I can’t stand the rain falling from the clouds of despair!”
To provide a personal anecdote, both of my shoulders were injured during service in the Marine Corps. Recently, my right shoulder pain flared up to such a degree that I couldn’t elevate my right arm in a lateral position higher than my waistline.
I suspect without daily practice of REBT I may’ve unhelpfully concluded, “I can’t stand the pain,” which was about a six to seven on a conservative pain scale of one to ten – where one is the least and ten represents needing to immediately visit an emergency department for care.
However, because I frequently practice REBT in both my personal and professional life, I used an HFT belief. When my shoulder hurt in the daytime and at nighttime, I rationally concluded, “Although this is an incredibly uncomfortable experience, I can stand the pain.”
If HFT had a catchphrase it would be something like “I can stand it” or “I got this!” For instance, if your intimate partner suddenly breaks up with you, you may adaptively conclude, “While I wish things were different, and despite the fact that I miss my former partner, I got this!”
It’s worth noting that an HFT belief isn’t the same thing as practicing denial. As an example, if when my shoulder was hurting and I may’ve ill-adaptively concluded, “This is fine; there’s no problem at all,” my conclusion would’ve represented avoidance of a factual experience.
Whereas denial arguably isn’t helpful, HFT beliefs conceivably are. With HFT, one acknowledges what is and rationally assesses whether or not the matter is tolerable – even if it’s a situation that one doesn’t like or love.
Given the distinction between LFT and HFT beliefs outlined herein, I now ask whether or not you can stand the rain or pain whenever you experience distress or hardship. As expressed by Side 2 Syde, you can “stay strong, keep yo’ mind focused,” rather than self-disturbing about rain against your window.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost old school hip hop REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Discogs. (n.d.). Side 2 Syde. Retrieved from https://www.discogs.com/artist/640369-Side-2-Syde
Discogs. (n.d.). Side 2 Syde – Sly Ballin’. Retrieved from https://www.discogs.com/release/2158523-Side-2-Syde-Sky-Ballin
Fritz5139. (2014, November 15). Ann Peebles - I can’t stand the rain 1974 [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/A09GZeORYlo?si=edVFykf3Y6_OlLmi
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Kjpargeter. (n.d.). 3d render of a male figure with close up of shoulder joint [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/3d-render-male-figure-with-close-up-shoulder-joint_1195200.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=6&uuid=3f9f8f47-0784-4e64-a0c6-dd37cd6741ad
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