Personal anecdote
When I was in elementary school, some children used to refer to me as “Hoggings,” which was a derivative of my last name Hollings, because I was overweight. At birth, I weighed 10 pounds and 10 ounces, and I developed an undiagnosed binge eating disorder to self-soothe as a child.
My mom took part in the mockery by calling me “fat,” “disgusting,” a “pig,” and telling me, “No one will ever love you,” due in part to my apparently dissatisfying appearance. Even educators at school participated in the chiding, as one physical education coach encouraged other children to tease me.
Because I grew up in relative poverty, my mom moved my sisters and I on average of about once per year. As soon as I settled into a new school and began to make friends, we’d move. I’d go from being teased to establishing friendships, and then back to harassment at a foreign school.
In fifth grade, shortly after the moment when the photo for this blogpost was taken and I moved from Amarillo, Texas to Aurora, Colorado to live with my dad, I couldn’t escape ridicule. However, Colorado children had a different method of showing disdain for my physical presentation.
Whereas Texas kids mainly used verbal insults, I was introduced to verbal mockery along with physical assault in Aurora. A group of children my dad called the “Boogie Boys” used to beat me in what was referred to as a “rat pack” or “bum rush” back then.
This occurs when a group of individuals collectively administer closed fist punches and kicks to a victim who inevitably succumbs to the beating by falling to the ground. Disallowed by my dad to use force to defend myself, I was told to merely protect my head and scrotum when beaten.
My dad’s nonviolent attitude changed when one of the Boogie Boys followed me home and committed property damage by kicking in a metal screen door after I ran inside the house. I called my dad at work so that he could listen as his door was being demolished.
Apparently, my dad cared more about his property than my bodily autonomy, because following that event I was permitted to defend myself. The summer between fifth and sixth grade, I began use of anorexia nervosa behaviors in order to lose weight so that I could escape being assaulted.
My strategy worked and for the first time in my life other children accepted me. From a behavioral standpoint, I realize that being accepted by others positively reinforced actions taken to lose weight. I also learned that unhealthy eating practices resulted in desirable treatment.
Moreover, the Boogie Boys became my friends. A number of them were members of the Crips and although these boys beat me to the ground on a number of occasions, they offered me protection in junior high – once I was accepted at a smaller size than I once maintained.
About halfway through my seventh grade year, I was summoned back to Amarillo by my mom. There, she continued her usual psychological and physiological abuse though mentioned nothing about my weight. Apparently, I was still unlovable, yet for who and not what I was in regard to my size.
Not long afterward, I was sent to live in a children’s home. The lesson in physical battery from Colorado kids paid off, because I was able to defend myself when faced with similar treatment at my new residence.
Aware of the fact that my attitude wasn’t within the targeted range of a token economy point system used at the children’s home, one house parent recommended that I join the athletics program at school. She expressed that joining the football team may’ve been beneficial.
However, the group of jocks to whom I was introduced had grown up together and I was an outsider within their ranks. I was mercilessly mocked by them and coaches of the team. The head coach even nicknamed me “No Name,” because he said I wasn’t memorable and my name wasn’t worth learning.
I then carried that moniker from eighth to ninth grade. Other kid within school caught on to the name and in the halls between classes I was teased by being reminded of how unimpressive I apparently was. Back to binge eating I went, shooting up to 195 pounds during my freshman year.
One friend of mine within the children’s home was affiliated with the Crips and we stood up for one another when challenged by other boys. That is until he was eventually taken away in handcuffs by sheriff’s deputies. I was then left to defend myself once again.
When a family from the church congregation I attended took me out of the children’s home and allowed me to live with them, I was able to transfer schools. At yet another educational facility wherein I knew no one, I stuck to my usual introverted pattern of behavior.
Eventually, I made friends after once again using anorexic behavior and losing a significant amount of weight. Still, I had very little in common with the predominately wealthy students with whom I attended school.
That’s when I sought out a renegade set of the Crips within Amarillo. While a handful of students at high school foolishly engaged in persecution, much of that behavior was mitigated by fist-loads, knives, and guns which may or may not have been taken to the affluent school.
Similar to the reprieve from undesirable behavior I enjoyed in Aurora, I was able to experience solace at school while simultaneously and unnecessarily placing myself into violent situations outside of school. By that point in life, I was used to chaos and accepted violence as a potential risk of my lifestyle.
For a number of factors, not the least of which was attributed to my dangerous activities associated with gangs, the family that took me into their home kicked me out during my senior year. I then returned to the children’s home until graduation.
Bullying
The treatment I endured throughout childhood, which also occurred in many instances of adulthood, is classified as bullying. Regarding this term, one source states:
Bullying is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate or intimidate. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception (by the bully or by others) of an imbalance of physical or social power. This imbalance distinguishes bullying from conflict. Bullying is a subcategory of aggressive behavior characterized by hostile intent, imbalance of power and repetition over a period of time.
As a child, I detested actions taken by other kids and adults in reference to my weight, perceived sexuality, acne, and other matters. Nevertheless, I was able to build resilience—the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties.
This isn’t to suggest that I condone bullying. If I had any legitimate control or influence over the matter, I would rather have not experienced such action. Nevertheless, I live in the real world and not an ideal world. As such, I see no logic or reason in entertaining unrealistic possibilities.
Bullying incidents taught me that although I didn’t like or love how I was treated, I was able to tolerate and accept undesirable behavior from others. In fact, I had instance after instance which served as evidence to the notion that I could stand maltreatment.
Of course, people who value an idealist worldview may argue that individuals shouldn’t become resilient in regard to oppressive treatment from others, because such behavior ought not to be normalized in the first place. Although I’m sympathetic to this perspective, I reject it nonetheless.
Regarding a position I also maintain, one source suggests, “Anti-bullying programs are not as distinguished and effective as they could be, and sometimes have the opposite effect they were intending. In fact, anti-bullying programs can lead to children getting bullied more often.”
Mandated behavior may seem like a positive intervention when children are bullied. However, one obviously negative and unintended consequence of such action is that people may remain subject to learned helplessness. Regarding this phenomenon, one source states:
Learned helplessness is the behavior exhibited by a subject after enduring repeated aversive stimuli beyond their control. It was initially thought to be caused by the subject’s acceptance of their powerlessness, by way of their discontinuing attempts to escape or avoid the aversive stimulus, even when such alternatives are unambiguously presented. Upon exhibiting such behavior, the subject was said to have acquired learned helplessness.
Over the past few decades, neuroscience has provided insight into learned helplessness and shown that the original theory had it backward: the brain’s default state is to assume that control is not present, and the presence of “helplessness” is what is learned first. However, it is unlearned when a subject is faced with prolonged aversive stimulation.
I was indeed helpless when being bullied as a child. Mainly, I was helpless at being able to control or influence the behavior of others. Because there were no effective anti-bullying measures in place, I couldn’t rely on authority figures to intervene and provide respite.
In fact, a number of adults in authoritative positions contributed to the bullying behavior in my childhood. Had any of my scenarios been influenced by anti-bullying measures, I doubt I would’ve been able to fully accept that I could tolerate maltreatment even when I was helpless at preventing or terminating such behavior.
Admittedly, I engaged in unhealthy and even harmful behavior as a means of coping with my beliefs regarding helplessness. Surprisingly, I made it through tough situations with relative safety when considering the difficult outcomes of friends with whom I came up.
Still, I learned what did and didn’t work as a strategy for building resilience in the face of bullying. Perhaps most importantly, I realized that I had an ability to adapt to almost any undesirable circumstance I could’ve imagined and to which I was actually exposed.
As an adult, I used that resilient mindset when continuing to encounter bullying behavior in the Marine Corps, a few occupational settings, and at one university I attended. Despite my abhorrence for bullies and bullying, I could endure far more than I gave myself credit for in childhood.
REBT
What would’ve been useful to know during periods in which I was exposed to bullying is a method to keep from upsetting myself with beliefs about maltreatment. Knowledge of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is precisely the form of self-help that would’ve been worthwhile.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, when I was bum-rushed by the Boogie Boys (Action), my body would hurt for days following a beating (Consequence). Still, when I unhelpfully Believed, “That shouldn’t have happened to me,” then I disturbed myself into a sorrowful disposition (Consequence).
Thus, as a psychotherapist, I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. After all, I can’t travel back in time and undo bum-rushing events.
Therefore, REBT requires that people take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for their reactions to undesirable events. This is because they likely can’t fully control or influence unfavorable situations from occurring in the first place.
Furthermore, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Additionally, foundational components incorporated into REBT relate to Stoicism—a philosophical practice valuing four virtues (wisdom, courage, temperance or moderation, and justice) as a means of achieving eudemonia—a life well-lived, as well as humanism—the process of healing oneself.
As well, REBT is influenced by existentialist principles—essentially positing that each of us will inevitably die and that we can search for purpose and meaning as a method of living a well-lived existence. In this way, REBT is a self-empowering approach to rational living.
Although REBT is heavily influenced by philosophy, this psychotherapeutic modality also values scientific influence from techniques used in cognitive behavior therapy. Importantly, all of these techniques require frequent (and I mean daily) practice.
Correlation does not imply causation
I take personal ownership of unhelpful beliefs about past bulling which caused unpleasant consequences when experiencing undesirable events. The B-C connection I experienced wasn’t merely correlated with, though actually caused unpleasant reactions (e.g., sorrow).
Not always is it the case that two variables existing at the same time necessarily have a causative effect on one another. After all, correlation does not imply causation. Regarding this matter, one source states:
The phrase “correlation does not imply causation” refers to the inability to legitimately deduce a cause-and-effect relationship between two events or variables solely on the basis of an observed association or correlation between them.
From an A-C perspective, receiving a Boogie Boy punch to the face (Action) did in fact cause pain (Consequence). However, being bullied didn’t cause me to carry weapons in adolescence. Rather, unhelpful Beliefs are what caused the maladaptive Consequence in this regard.
I think this distinction is an important one to consider, especially when hearing claims of bullying as a possible explanation for the reported behavior regarding the late Thomas Matthew Crooks who’s been accused of attempting to assassinate Donald Trump.
Aside from a projectile moving at high velocity, I don’t know what went through the mind of Crooks in regard to his fateful actions that day. Likewise, I suspect many of the Mockingbird media outlets reporting on the event don’t know either. Nonetheless, consider the following sources:
· New York Post – “The 20-year-old man who attempted to assassinate Donald Trump at a rally in Pennsylvania Saturday [7/13/2024] was described by former classmates as a bullied loner with a penchant for hunting outfits and video games.”
· The Washington Times – “Former high school classmates described the Pennsylvania man accused of trying to assassinate former President Donald Trump as a student with few friends who was frequently bullied.”
· Los Angeles Times – “Jason Kohler, who said he attended the same high school but did not share any classes with Crooks, said Crooks was bullied at school and sat alone at lunch. Other students mocked him for the way he dressed, for example in hunting outfits, Kohler said.”
If correlation did imply causation, one would expect far greater frequency of would-be political assassins from a sample of people who were bullied. However, correlation does not imply causation.
Thus, personal ownership of the B-C connection is something I continue advocating. Moreover, one source reports, “Crooks’ parents, Matthew and Mary Crooks, née Frizzi, are certified behavioral health counselors, according to state licensing records.”
Therefore, even if bullying were a factor, Crooks presumably had close access to two people who likely maintain education and training to deal with the effects of such behavior. Ergo, bullying doesn’t cause political assassination attempts.
Conclusion
I was bullied throughout childhood and well into adulthood. Unaware of REBT, I used a B-C connection to disturb myself with beliefs about the maltreatment I endured. Still, not once did I attempt to assassinate a politician.
Rather, I built resilience through repeated exposure to undesirable behavior. And while it’s true that I’ve carried weapons since adolescence, my reliance on such tools has been for maintenance of a defensive posture. To date, not one politician has been targeted by me.
Herein, I’ve demonstrated how people upset themselves with unhelpful beliefs. This applies to individuals who were bullied in childhood, as well. Thus, unproductively confusing correlation with causation when assessing ill-advised behavior isn’t something I advocate.
Yes, bullying sucks. No, I don’t like that people mistreat others in such a way. Yes, a person can build resilience in the face of maltreatment. No, bullying doesn’t cause would-be assassins.
A prima facie view of Crooks’ reported case may lead one to unreasonably conclude that treatment from others caused the behavior he’s alleged to have committed. However, I argue that the B-C connection better explains the process of self-disturbance.
Rather than ostensibly attempting to deprive citizens of a constitutionally-protected right to vote for whomever they please, by ostensibly trying to remove a presidential candidate from a political race, is – in my view – an act of cowardice. Such behavior is no better than the purported bullying actions which are inaccurately said to have caused the unproductive behavior.
Therefore, I invite people who’ve been bullied to consider healthier alternatives to unpleasant consequences which are actually caused by unfavorable beliefs. Ultimately, keeping the B-C connection and self-disputation in one’s head may be preferable to essentially losing one’s head.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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