When musical collective Soul II Soul released their album Club Classics Vol. One in 1989, I maintained some pretty wacky beliefs at that moment in life. For instance, I assumed that Satan specifically sought me out to test my faith as he did to Jehovah’s faithful servant Job.
Therefore, when I endured hardship by being placed back into the care of my abusive mom, my faith was ostensibly being challenged to see if I’d remain steadfast in my commitment to Jehovah. As such, I concluded that undesirable events occurred because of my belief system.
Now, many years since then, I understand otherwise. To demonstrate rationality upon which my belief is currently based, consider the psychotherapeutic modality of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, when my mother physically assaulted me (Action) I’d sustain bruises and welts on my body (Consequence). The A-C connection of a kick to the abdomen resulting in physical injury makes sense from a naturalistic world perspective.
Still, it was a B-C connection that led to self-disturbance. When abused by my mom (Action) and I unproductively Believed, “My mom ought to love me, not hurt me,” my prescription to life created the emotion of sorrow (Consequence).
Although one may agree with my childhood assumption, maintaining that parents really ought to love and not hurt their children, my mom behaved as she did all the same. Prescriptive beliefs from others were of no consequence to her.
Moreover, when I self-disturbed into a sorrowful disposition, I unhelpfully believed that it was Satan who was testing my faith and not merely my mother that was a fallible human being who simply behaved poorly. Thus, my wacky belief led to the conclusion that abuse was necessary.
How else was I going to prove to Jehovah that I was worthy of salvation, other than to withstand physical, mental, and emotional abuse while continuing to obey and honor my parents in accordance with Ephesians 6:1-3? Enduring abuse meant that I was a blessed child.
Hey, I told you that I maintained wacky beliefs in 1989. It was at that time when Soul II Soul’s song “Back to Life (However Do You Want Me)” was released. Lyrics include:
Verse 1 –
Back to life, back to reality
Back to the here and now, oh yeah
Show me how; decide what you want from me
Tell me maybe I could be there for you
Verse 2 –
Back to life, back to the present time
Back from a fantasy, yes
Tell me now, take the initiative
I’ll leave it in your hands until you’re ready
Verse 3 –
Back to life, back to the day we had
Let’s end this foolish game
Hear me out, don’t let it waste away
Make up your mind so I know where I stand
What I appreciate about the track is the clear progression of mind from the first to last verse. Given the metaphorical first verse of my life, my mindset wasn’t centered in reality. Rather than focusing on the “here and now,” I imagined some distant time at which point I’d be rewarded for enduring abuse.
The second verse of my life occurred during graduate school for counseling, at which point I learned of REBT. At that time, I was mentally transported back “from a fantasy” and learned that instead of needless suffering with hope of future reward from a deity I could rely on humanism and “take the initiative” to improve my life.
For the third verse of my life, I can now revisit “the day we had,” concerning younger versions of myself and who I currently am. Thus, I’ve ended the “foolish game” of self-deception regarding victimhood, freeing myself from irrational beliefs about how I was raised.
From agony in a proverbial Hell of my own self-disturbing beliefs, I’ve essentially given myself an opportunity to get “back to life.” This is in accordance with what one source states about “Back to Life (However Do You Want Me)”:
This song is said by its writer and singer, Caron Wheeler, to have been written about a near death experience in which she nearly passed on but was sent “back to life” to fulfill the rest of her mission on Earth, saying:
“Back to Life” came about from my own pain and I nearly died... I nearly died and literally came back to life and I was mad, because where I had gone in between that was so wonderful... but I basically didn’t pass over at that point... I was mad, I was like, “Why do you want me here? However do you want me? What do you need from me?” You know, I was talking to my creator, but it sounds like a party song on the record...
Given Wheeler’s reported description of the track, and viewing the matter through the lens of REBT, it wasn’t being transported “back to life, back to reality” (Action) that resulted in being “mad” (Consequence). I suspect the vocalist’s Belief about being returned is what caused anger.
In any case, Soul II Soul isn’t technically an electronic dance music (EDM) collective, though the group has been classified as a dance music act. Nevertheless, I appreciate garage house music duo Masters at Work’s remix of “Back to Life (However Do You Want Me).”
It’s the kind of remix that figuratively serves as a reflection of how I remixed my lived using REBT. If you’d like to remix your existence in a similar way and get “back to life” rather causing needless self-disturbance with unproductive beliefs, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s original EDM-influenced REBT psychotherapist—promoting content related to EDM, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Hollings, D. (2024, May 23). A humanistic approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-humanistic-approach-to-mental-health
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, October 5). Description vs. prescription. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/description-vs-prescription
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, May 11). Fallible human being. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fallible-human-being
Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing
Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2022, November 9). The ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, November 15). To don a hat. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-don-a-hat
Hollings, D. (2022, November 25). Victimhood. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/victimhood
Soul II Soul. (2017, January 25). Back to Life (However Do You Want Me) (Masters At Work house remix) (feat. Caron Wheeler) (remix) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/tcFz3_xrGR4?si=VaoYa5NOws_URyer
SoulIISoulVEVO. (2009, March 6). Soul II Soul - Back to Life (However Do You Want Me) (Official music video) [Video]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/TB54dZkzZOY?si=6R8BsQKUUD-7bjWw
Vecstock. (n.d.). Young woman enjoys serene meadow at sunrise generated by AI [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-ai-image/young-woman-enjoys-serene-meadow-sunrise-generated-by-ai_43283918.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=0&uuid=9ccdb5e3-0899-4fbb-9d3a-f6a34cd1b9f9
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Back to Life (However Do You Want Me). Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Back_to_Life_(However_Do_You_Want_Me)
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Caron Wheeler. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caron_Wheeler
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Club Classics Vol. One. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Club_Classics_Vol._One
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Masters at Work. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masters_at_Work
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Soul II Soul. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soul_II_Soul