Photo credit, property of Atheneum Books, fair use
The children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, written by Judith Viorst and illustrated by Ray Cruz, tells the tale of child who experiences a challenging day with one difficult event after another. Providing a synopsis of the book, one source states:
In Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Judith Viorst uses a more realistic view of problems children face, and that fact draws children in. As the story goes on Alexander discovers that things don’t get immediately better, unlike most children’s story. However, in the end Alexander finds comfort in the words from his mother when she explains that some days are just bad days.
When sharing similar sentiment as Alexander’s mother expressed, some clients with whom I’ve worked over the years have communicated surprise. How could a psychotherapist endorse the notion that some days are just perceived as little more than bad days?
After all, isn’t it the responsibility of a behavioral health care provider to help people feel better? Besides, advocating tolerance and acceptance of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days seems counterintuitive to what many people believe should be promoted for mental health care.
While I understand the common misconception of mental, emotional, and behavioral health care, I use psychoeducation with clients so that they may understand that Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) aims to help people get better, not merely feel better.
Therefore, rather than assuring a client that everything’s gonna be alright – which lulls people into a false sense of security and thus helps them to feel better – I speak truth and acknowledge reality. Some days genuinely aren’t pleasing and they’re likely to get worse.
Nevertheless, it isn’t the existence of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days which causes distress. Rather, it’s what people believe about such days which causes the worsening of a particular moment. To better understand this proposal, consider how REBT is practiced.
REBT theory uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Herein, awfulizing is an unhelpful assumption worth expanding upon.
One REBT resource geared toward working with children states of awfulizing, “The tendency to blow things out of proportion, to make mountains out of molehills, is characteristic of people of all ages. Make young clients aware that they are ‘awfulizing”.
It isn’t only adults who awfulize in regard to unexpected events. Who among us hasn’t catastrophized (imagining the worst possible outcome of an action or event) at one point or another? Helpfully, a separate REBT source adds:
An awfulising attitude is extreme in the sense that you hold at the time one or more of the following:
· Nothing could be worse.
· The event in question is worse than 100 per cent bad.
· No good could possibly come from this bad event.
· It is not possible for me to get over this event.
Rather than use of rigid and extreme beliefs of this sort, one could instead aim for use of flexible assumptions. This is especially true when Alexander experiences a series of undesirable events within a single day.
As an example, he could conclude that sometimes we simply have unfavorable days. This is a different approach to distracting oneself with positive or countervailing narratives (e.g., things are bad, but they’re sure to improve). Regarding this matter, one REBT resource states:
Distracting thoughts and actions will often work very well—temporarily. They shunt aside the thinking that leads to clients’ panicking and depressing and divert them from the “bad” things (against their desires and interests) that are happening, have happened, or most likely will happen. When people disturb themselves, they view these “bad” things as “awful” or “terrible” and think that they absolutely must not occur.
It doesn’t greatly matter whether their evaluation that an event is “bad” is accurate—whether most other people would see it as occurring and appraise it the way they do. They view it as “terrible” or “horrible” and contradictorily think that it must not be as bad as it is—so they greatly suffer.
If I saw Alexander for psychotherapy and he told me how awful it was that a dentist discovered a cavity in his mouth, I wouldn’t merely distract from his unhelpful belief. Rather, REBT offers a person the ability to actively challenge such unproductive assumptions.
Addressing the four major self-disturbing beliefs, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful assumptions in order to explore Effective new beliefs. Noteworthy, only beliefs, though not activating events or consequences, are open for dispute.
This is because, from a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if gum gets stuck on Alexander’s head (Action), his hairs may fuse together (Consequence). Still, if he unhelpfully Believes, “This is terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad,” then the child will likely disturb himself into an agitated disposition (Consequence).
Thus, when using REBT I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. Sometimes gum gets stuck in hair and I can’t do much to resolve this matter for the clients with whom I work.
Furthermore, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
As an example, rather than self-disturbing about tripping over his skateboard, Alexander can tolerate and accept that unfortunate events often occur in life. On some days, a series of these events may occur from the time one wakes until bedtime.
Additionally, foundational components incorporated into REBT relate to Stoicism—a philosophical practice valuing four virtues (wisdom, courage, temperance or moderation, and justice) as a means of achieving eudemonia—a life well-lived, as well as humanism—the process of healing oneself.
As well, REBT is influenced by existentialist principles—essentially positing that each of us will inevitably die and that we can search for purpose and meaning as a method of living a well-lived existence. These are lessons which even Alexander, at his young age, could understand.
Although REBT is influenced by philosophical and theoretical ideas, this psychotherapeutic modality also favors a scientific approach to well-being. Importantly, all of these techniques require frequent (and I mean daily) practice.
Awful, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days will inevitably occur. However, you don’t have to allow unhelpful beliefs about these undesirable activating events to cause unpleasant consequences. You can turn awful into tolerable.
In the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Alexander finds comfort in the words from his mother when she explains that some days are just bad days. This is an honest approach to awfulizing that doesn’t require unhelpful distraction or unrealistic optimism.
Learning to tolerate and accept what simply is, even though you don’t like or love having bad days, may best serve your overall interests and goals. If you’d like to know more about how my approach to REBT may benefit you in this regard, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Bernard, M. and Terjesen, M. D. (2020). Rational-emotive and cognitive-behavioral approaches to child and adolescent mental health: Theory, practice, research, applications. Springer. Retrieved from https://dokumen.pub/rational-emotive-and-cognitive-behavioral-approaches-to-child-and-adolescent-mental-health-theory-practice-research-applications-9783030539016-3030539016.html
Dryden, W. (2024). Dealing with emotional problems using rational emotive behaviour therapy” A practitioner's guide (2nd ed.). Routledge. Retrieved from https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/dealing-with-emotional-problems-using-rational-emotive-behaviour-therapy-rebt-2nbsped-1032542551-9781032542553.html
Ellis, A. (2001). Overcoming destructive beliefs, feelings, and behaviors. Prometheus Books. Retrieved from https://dokumen.pub/qdownload/overcoming-destructive-beliefs-feelings-and-behaviors-new-directions-for-rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-9781615920150-1615920153.html
Hollings, D. (2024, May 23). A humanistic approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-humanistic-approach-to-mental-health
Hollings, D. (2024, May 22). A philosophical approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-philosophical-approach-to-mental-health
Hollings, D. (2024, May 24). A scientific approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-scientific-approach-to-mental-health
Hollings, D. (2024, January 18). Active and directive. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/active-and-directive
Hollings, D. (2024, May 30). Behavioral health care. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/behavioral-health-care
Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). Consequences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consequences
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2024, April 26). Eudaimonia. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/eudaimonia
Hollings, D. (2024, March 27). Everything’s gonna be alright. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/everything-s-gonna-be-alright
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Existentialism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/existentialism
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations
Hollings, D. (2024, February 24). High frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/high-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2024, April 27). Ideal-world vs. real-world. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ideal-world-vs-real-world
Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals
Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, December 9). Like it, love it, accept it. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/like-it-love-it-accept-it
Hollings, D. (2022, December 2). Low frustration tolerance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/low-frustration-tolerance
Hollings, D. (2022, June 23). Meaningful purpose. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/meaningful-purpose
Hollings, D. (2024, March 4). Mental, emotional, and behavioral health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/mental-emotional-and-behavioral-health
Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2023, April 24). On truth. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-truth
Hollings, D. (2023, March 20). Practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/practice
Hollings, D. (2024, January 1). Psychoeducation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychoeducation
Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities
Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism
Hollings, D. (2022, November 9). The ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2023, September 6). The absence of suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-absence-of-suffering
Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, December 14). The is-ought problem. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-is-ought-problem
Hollings, D. (2023, February 16). Tna. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/tna
Hollings, D. (2022, November 15). To don a hat. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-don-a-hat
Hollings, D. (2022, July 11). Unconditional acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, September 22). You’re gonna die someday. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-re-gonna-die-someday
My Imagination Kingdom. (n.d.). Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst (Paperback) [Image]. Retrieved from https://www.myimaginationkingdom.com/products/alexander-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-day-by-judith-viorst-paperback
Patterson, J. (n.d.). Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Retrieved from https://kids.jamespatterson.com/read-kiddo-read/alexander-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-day/
University of Southern Mississippi, The. (n.d.). Ray Cruz papers. Retrieved from https://www.lib.usm.edu/legacy/degrum/public_html/html/research/findaids/DG0240f.html
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_and_the_Terrible,_Horrible,_No_Good,_Very_Bad_Day
Wikipedia. (n.d.). Judith Viorst. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judith_Viorst
Comments