Growing up, I often heard people state about assumptions, “When you ‘assume,’ you make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me.’.” The saying was intended to discourage people from confidently asserting that their beliefs were true when in fact assumptions may not be at all valid.
An assumption is defined as assuming that something is true or a fact, or statement (such as a proposition, axiom—an established rule or principle or a self-evident truth)—taken for granted. Simply, to assume is to take as granted or true.
For example, suppose I were to assume that because I’m right-handed – as is approximately 90% of the world’s population – then most people also have hazel eyes like I do. However, this would be an incorrect assumption, because only around 5% of humans share my eye color.
When considering the importance of understanding assumptions from the perspective of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), it’s worthwhile to know about how the process of self-disturbance works. Using the ABC model, I’ll briefly elaborate on what I’m proposing herein.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Activating event (also called an Adversity) occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant emotional, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
For context about unhelpful assumptions, rigid attitudes, unrealistic philosophies, unproductive self-narratives, or irrational beliefs – all cognitive content which is addressed within REBT literature – I stated in a blogpost entitled From G.L.A.D. to Mad:
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people often use: global evaluations, low frustration tolerance, awfulizing, and demandingness. When contemplating these unproductive beliefs, think of the acronym G.L.A.D. For instance, consider the following examples:
(G)lobal evaluations – “Life isn’t worth living if I’m not accepted by other people.”
(L)ow frustration tolerance – “I can’t stand not being accepted by other people.”
(A)wfulizing – “It would be awful if I weren’t accepted by other people.”
(D)emandingness – “I must be accepted by other people.”
In the context of upsetting oneself, an individual can go from use of G.L.A.D. beliefs to a mad disposition very quickly. Noteworthy, the process of upsetting oneself with these unfavorable beliefs is referred to as “self-disturbance” in REBT.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, an individual is invited to try Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that is used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
My example about eye color represents an assumption—thought that is accepted as true, though without evidence—and it isn’t of the self-disturbing variety. When faced with evidence that counters my assumed thought, I can simply change my mind and carry on with life.
Alternatively, inflexible assumptions about oneself, others, and life may require rigorous disputing in order to stop the process of a belief-consequence connection that results in self-disturbance. This isn’t always an easy or comfortable process and requires an active approach.
Given this perspective, it’s understandable how the saying from my childhood came to be. When people unhelpfully assume in a self-disturbing manner, they tend to behave foolishly—making asses of themselves and others, to be crude—and REBT aims to disrupt this disturbing process.
The late psychologist Albert Ellis, who developed REBT, offered a unique perspective about how people can learn to identify unfavorable assumptions. In his book How to Make Yourself Happy and Remarkably Less Disturbable, Ellis stated (page 13):
As a simple rule for finding your irrational beliefs, assume that just about all your dogmatic musts fall under three major headings. Here are three main musts to look for when you bring on disturbed feelings:
Feelings of serious depression, anxiety, panic, self-downing: “I absolutely must perform well on important projects and be approved by significant people or else I am an inadequate and unlovable person!”
Feelings of strong and persistent anger, rage, fury, impatience, bitterness: “Other people, particularly those I have cared for and treated well, absolutely must treat me kindly and fairly, or else they are rotten individuals who deserve to suffer!”
Feelings of low frustration tolerance, depression, self-pity: “The conditions under which I live absolutely ought to be easy, un-frustrating and enjoyable or else the world’s an awful place, I can’t stand it, and I’ll never be able to be happy!”
If you have any of these disturbed feelings, and if you act against your own and your social group’s interest, look in your heart for these major musts. Assume that you have one, two, or all three of them, and that you are a talented human who easily manufactures these demands, and then just as easily attaches them to Adversities in your life.
Unlike Ellis, I regard “feelings” as either (1) emotions (i.e., joy, fear, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, etc.) or (2) bodily sensations (i.e., tight shoulders, racing heartrate, tingling legs, etc.). Therefore, I reject the colloquial usage of “feelings” to mean thoughts, beliefs, hunches, etc.
In any case, I appreciate how Ellis thoughtfully addressed assumptions (i.e., misuse of the word “feelings”) so that people may better understand how these self-disturbing personal narratives function. Once you understand how not to make an ass of yourself, you can behave differently.
In consideration of the information outlined herein, what do you think about assumptions? If you’d like to know more about how not to upset yourself with unhelpful beliefs, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
Photo credit (edited), fair use
References:
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