When I first learned about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in graduate school for counseling, between 2009 and 2011, I maintained doubts, reservations, and objections to aspects of this psychotherapeutic modality. Still, I focused my studies around techniques of the method.
While I found that the ABC model was relatively easy to understand, I didn’t believe in unconditional acceptance (UA). This was likely due to my misconception of the terms “unconditional” and “acceptance.”
To me, “unconditional” seemed like an abstract concept. After all, most matters within my life up until that point were impacted by limits of some kind. Addressing the reservation of this term with my late stepmom, she shared a helpful perspective in regard to unconditional love.
“Honey, there’s nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you,” she expressed while adding “my love for you is without limits,” or words to that effect No amount of argumentation from me was able sway her position.
Unlike unconditional love, REBT focusses on acceptance. To me, “acceptance” once seemed like some hippy-dippy nonsense. In fact, I likened limitless acceptance of the self, others, and life to something akin to a free pass for failure.
As an example, if I were to practice unconditional self-acceptance (USA) – acknowledging myself as a fallible human being with limited control over all elements of my personal being, I figured that I’d likely use the concept as a pretext for failing to serve my interests and goals.
If I purposefully neglected to fulfill and obligation, oh well. I could merely write off my behavior to USA. That being the case, in what situation wouldn’t I use USA as an excuse for underperformance?
However, my objection to USA in this regard was based on a misconception. UA isn’t about intentionally and preemptively giving oneself an excuse when unproductively reacting to beliefs about events in a particular manner.
Rather, USA serves as acknowledgement of imperfection so that an individual can let go of unrealistic expectations. In particular, use of rigid rather than rigorous beliefs about one’s own performance may cause self-disturbance. To elucidate this point, consider the following examples:
Example #1 – Suppose I rigidly demanded of myself, “Under no circumstances am I allowed to fail an exam, so I must ace this test! Otherwise, I’m worthless.” If I don’t perform perfectly, my inflexible demand and negative rating of self will cause me to upset myself.
Example #2 – Imagine that I adaptively approach exam-taking through the construct of USA by determining, “Although I’d like to ace this test, I know that there are many more factors of worth for which I can accept myself other than my ability to perform in an exemplary manner on exams.” If I don’t perform perfectly, I may be disappointed with my performance though not with myself.
In consideration of examples # 1 and 2, USA is merely about acknowledging truth and reality. Although I may prefer to perform well in life, it isn’t as though I must do so. Likewise, poor performance doesn’t negate other relevant aspects of my worth.
If USA is in alignment with truth, rigidity of belief is oriented toward the lies people tell themselves. Once I properly understood UA and believed that REBT could help me, I was able to frequently practice this helpful modality.
Regarding this matter, I stated in a blogpost entitled Understanding, Belief, and Practice, “I suspect that a lack of understanding, failure to believe, and neglect of practice have played a key role in why some people have neglected or abandoned REBT altogether.”
With this framing, I find value in addressing misconceptions about REBT with clients. According to page 200 of The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion, REBT practitioners can encourage clients to express their doubts, reservations, and objections to aspects of REBT.
Then, practitioners can address misconceptions implicit in such practice-prohibitive expressions. This is one reason why I’m grateful for having initially misunderstood REBT. On some level, I can relate to a client who has similar misconceptions of the modality.
Perhaps you’ve heard of REBT and concluded that this form of cognitive behavior therapy isn’t something in which you’re interested, possibly due to misconceptions of specific techniques. If so, and if you have questions about how REBT may better serve your interest and goals, I’m here to help.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Dryden, W. and Neenan, M. (2003). The REBT Therapist’s Pocket Companion. Albert Ellis Institute. ISBN 0-917476-26-3. Library of Congress Control Number: 20031044378
Hollings, D. (2022, May 17). Circle of concern. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/circle-of-concern
Hollings, D. (2024, May 19). Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-behavior-therapy-cbt
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, May 11). Fallible human being. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fallible-human-being
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2024, January 2). Interests and goals. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/interests-and-goals
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2023, April 24). On truth. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-truth
Hollings, D. (2023, March 20). Practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/practice
Hollings, D. (2023, September 15). Psychotherapeutic modalities. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapeutic-modalities
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, January 4). Rigid vs. rigorous. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rigid-vs-rigorous
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2022, November 9). The ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2022, July 11). Unconditional acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2024, January 16). Understanding, belief, and practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/understanding-belief-and-practice
Storyset. (n.d.). Miscommunication concept illustration [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-vector/miscommunication-concept-illustration_23509498.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=8&uuid=0f387192-5b25-4dcb-b269-ae3bae4c2104
Comentários