In a blogpost entitled People Who Live in Glass Houses, I identified an assortment of should-type beliefs associated with demandingness and in regard to Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). Herein, I’ll address one form of these self-disturbing demands.
Before expanding upon what an absolutistic should statement is and how it functions, it may be useful to first describe basic elements of REBT which serve as a type of self-help method for rational living. Essentially, there are two main techniques used in this version of cognitive behavior therapy.
REBT theory first uses the ABC model to illustrate how when Activating events (“Actions”) occur and people maintain irrational Beliefs about the events, these unhelpful assumptions – and not the actual occurrences – are what create unpleasant cognitive, emotive, bodily sensation, and behavioral Consequences.
In particular, there are four predominate irrational beliefs which people use: demandingness, awfulizing, low frustration tolerance, and global evaluations. Addressing these, the ABC model incorporates Disputation of unhelpful attitudes in order to explore Effective new beliefs.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, if you’re pushed into a swimming pool while not knowing how to swim (Action), you may drown (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, being unable to breathe due to submergence of the mouth and nose under water can lead to death.
Still, if during the undesirable pushing event you absolutistically Believe, “This shouldn’t happen to me,” then you’ll likely disturb yourself into an angry or fearful disposition (Consequence). This B-C connection won’t serve you well as you gasp for breath in the water.
Thus, I help people to stop upsetting themselves through use of B-C connections, though I can’t fully resolve their A-C connections. To accomplish my objective as a psychotherapist, I invite individuals to take personal responsibility and accountability for their reactions to events.
Secondly, REBT uses the technique of unconditional acceptance to relieve suffering. This is accomplished through use of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance.
Additionally, foundational components incorporated into REBT relate to Stoicism—a philosophical practice valuing four virtues (wisdom, courage, temperance or moderation, and justice) as a means of achieving eudemonia—a life well-lived, as well as humanism—the process of healing oneself.
As well, REBT is influenced by existentialist principles—essentially positing that each of us will inevitably die and that we can search for purpose and meaning as a method of living a well-lived existence. Importantly, all of these techniques require frequent (and I mean daily) practice.
To better understand absolutistic should beliefs, in a blog entry entitled Shoulding at the Supermarket I provided commentary on what one prominent REBT practitioner offered when addressing this sort of assumption:
Perhaps [you’ve] said to yourself something like, “People shouldn’t inconvenience me,” or, “This person should be more thoughtful.” Regarding absolutistic should statements such as these, one source states:
In [REBT] we teach you to identify and question these absolutistic attitudes. We call this process of questioning the impact and validity of your absolute “shoulds” disputing your self-defeating attitudes.
Thus, absolutistic should beliefs are inflexible, irrational, and self-defeating assumptions which are worth challenging, because they cause self-disturbance when other people inevitably violate one’s personal demands – like pushing you into a swimming pool against your exigencies.
A separate source states of absolutistic should beliefs:
This term obviously refers to disturbance-creating rigid attitudes or demands at B in the ABC model of REBT. ‘I absolutely should visit my aunt in hospital’ and ‘I absolutely must tend to my aunt at all times and under any conditions’ are examples of absolute shoulds.
Ultimately, whether or not use of absolutistic should beliefs lead to self-disturbance is how one may evaluate these assumptions from a rational point of view. Hopefully, the information contained herein helps you determine if you want to continue using this sort of belief.
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As a psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues ranging from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
Dryden, W. (2023, October). Fundamentals of rational emotive behaviour therapy: A training handbook, 3rd edition. Wiley. Retrieved from https://dokumen.pub/fundamentals-of-rational-emotive-behaviour-therapy-a-training-handbook-3nbsped-1394198515-9781394198511.html
Hollings, D. (2024, May 23). A humanistic approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-humanistic-approach-to-mental-health
Hollings, D. (2024, May 22). A philosophical approach to mental health. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/a-philosophical-approach-to-mental-health
Hollings, D. (2024, May 19). Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/cognitive-behavior-therapy-cbt
Hollings, D. (2024, March 19). Consequences. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/consequences
Hollings, D. (2022, October 31). Demandingness. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/demandingness
Hollings, D. (2022, March 15). Disclaimer. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/disclaimer
Hollings, D. (2024, April 26). Eudaimonia. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/eudaimonia
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Existentialism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/existentialism
Hollings, D. (2023, September 8). Fair use. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/fair-use
Hollings, D. (2024, April 2). Four major irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/four-major-irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, October 12). Get better. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/get-better
Hollings, D. (2023, September 13). Global evaluations. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/global-evaluations
Hollings, D. (n.d.). Hollings Therapy, LLC [Official website]. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/
Hollings, D. (2023, May 18). Irrational beliefs. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/irrational-beliefs
Hollings, D. (2023, September 19). Life coaching. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/life-coaching
Hollings, D. (2022, June 23). Meaningful purpose. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/meaningful-purpose
Hollings, D. (2024, April 22). On disputing. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-disputing
Hollings, D. (2023, September 3). On feelings. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-feelings
Hollings, D. (2024, June 16). On virtue. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/on-virtue
Hollings, D. (2024, May 25). People who live in glass houses. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/ people-who-live-in-glass-houses
Hollings, D. (2022, November 7). Personal ownership. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/personal-ownership
Hollings, D. (2023, March 20). Practice. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/practice
Hollings, D. (2024, May 5). Psychotherapist. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/psychotherapist
Hollings, D. (2022, March 24). Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT). Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-emotive-behavior-therapy-rebt
Hollings, D. (2024, May 15). Rational living. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/rational-living
Hollings, D. (2022, November 1). Self-disturbance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-disturbance
Hollings, D. (2024, June 5). Self-help. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/self-help
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Sensation. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/sensation
Hollings, D. (2022, October 7). Should, must, and ought. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/should-must-and-ought
Hollings, D. (2024, April 9). Shoulding at the supermarket. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/shoulding-at-the-supermarket
Hollings, D. (2024, April 21). Stoicism. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/stoicism
Hollings, D. (2022, November 9). The ABC model. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-abc-model
Hollings, D. (2023, September 6). The absence of suffering. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-absence-of-suffering
Hollings, D. (2022, December 23). The A-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-a-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, December 25). The B-C connection. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-b-c-connection
Hollings, D. (2022, November 2). The critical A. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/the-critical-a
Hollings, D. (2022, November 15). To don a hat. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/to-don-a-hat
Hollings, D. (2022, July 11). Unconditional acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 11). Unconditional life-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-life-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, February 25). Unconditional other-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-other-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, March 1). Unconditional self-acceptance. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/unconditional-self-acceptance
Hollings, D. (2023, September 22). You’re gonna die someday. Hollings Therapy, LLC. Retrieved from https://www.hollingstherapy.com/post/you-re-gonna-die-someday
Matweychuk, W. J. (2019, April 29). Shoulding on thy self leads to self-depreciation. REBTDoctor. Retrieved from https://rebtdoctor.com/shoulding-on-thy-self-leads-to-self-depreciation/
Stockking. (n.d.). Angry young handsome man wearing glasses looking and pointing at front isolated on olive green wall [Image]. Freepik. Retrieved from https://www.freepik.com/free-photo/angry-young-handsome-man-wearing-glasses-looking-pointing-front-isolated-olive-green-wall_13602202.htm#fromView=search&page=1&position=34&uuid=d3269999-39f2-4727-99fc-dc57bec0cdd2
Comments