Before I was old enough to enter elementary school, my dad taught me a moral and ethical lesson. “Son, don’t you ever put your hands on a girl or woman,” he said. This advisement related to assault and battery. Regarding these terms, one source clarifies:
Assault refers to the wrong act of causing someone to reasonably fear imminent harm. This means that the fear must be something a reasonable person would foresee as threatening to them.
Battery refers to the actual wrong act of physically harming someone. These are the terms as they historically have been used, but in the modern context, they can mean many different versions of causing harm.
Noteworthy, a moral relates to principles of right and wrong in behavior, and ethics are principles of conduct governing an individual or a group and which are based on morals. As such, my dad’s moral and ethical lesson was for males never to assault or batter females.
This inherited value was reinforced by my mom and became confusing to me through its practical application. In specific, my sisters and female cousins were allowed to engage in assault and battery of me, though I wasn’t permitted to physically defend myself.
Thus, from an early age, I learned that males and females weren’t morally or ethically equal—alike in quality, nature, or status, and regarding or affecting all members in the same way. When I began to think critically and question inequality, the answers I received further confused me.
“Boys are stronger than girls,” my mom explained, “so you can’t hit back.” Her response inferred understanding that I was being assaulted and battered, though also afforded females the luxury or harming males. To better understand this position, consider the following syllogism:
Form (hypothetical) –
If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.
Example –
If, on average, males are stronger than females, then females may assault and batter males while expecting not to experience retaliation.
If females may assault and batter males while expecting not to experience retaliation, then females enjoy a privileged position within society whereby they don’t have to take personal responsibility and accountability (collectively “ownership”) for their harmful behavior toward males.
Therefore, if, on average, males are stronger than females, then females enjoy a privileged position within society whereby they don’t have to take personal ownership for their harmful behavior toward males.
Not only did both of my parents advocate such nonsensical lessons about behavior, they taught me that males were to provide and protect for females while females weren’t held to similar standards of behavior. As such, I was taught lessons on male disposability.
Having been placed in a children’s home in seventh grade, various male and female houseparents reinforced lessons on gynocentrism—centered on or concerned exclusively with women; taking a female (or specifically a feminist) point of view. Foolishly, I accepted these absurd lessons.
Nevertheless, if memory serves, it was irrational belief that led to my foolish behavior in high school in the parking lot of a fast-food restaurant (“BK”). For context, in order for a belief to be considered rational it empirically must remain in accord with both logic and reason.
Allow me to mansplain. First, it’s worth knowing that logic is defined as an interrelation or sequence of facts or events when seen as inevitable or predictable. Next, it’s important to know that reason is defined as a statement offered in explanation or justification.
It was in 1994 that I left the parking lot of Amarillo High School (AHS) for lunch break, driving to the intersection of Fulton Drive and Bell Street. There, I stopped behind a car that waited at a red light. Back then, I used to play music loudly with my windows rolled down.
Perhaps because the song that I played was from a group aligned with the Crips—a street gang that originated in Los Angeles, California and that had various factions (“sets”) within Bomb City—occupants of the vehicle in front of me began stacking out the windows of their ride.
This occurs when gang members throw up their sets—display gang hand signs associated with their respective factions—and the behavior serves as a challenge to off brand gangbangers (opposing gangs). Generally, set-tripping in this manner serves as provocation for rival sets.
Earlier that year, hip hop group Bloods & Crips released their studio album Bangin’ on Wax 2... The Saga Continues (1994) and I was playing the track “East Side Rip Rider” at the stoplight when members of the car in front of me threw up signs of the Bloods (rivals of the Crips).
Lyrics of the song include, “East side rip rider, it’s a B.K. all day,” indicating that the gangbanging rappers advocated criminal homicide of the Bloods (i.e., B.K. means Blood killer). Apparently, people in the vehicle at the stoplight were allied with the Bloods.
At that moment in time, I had an opportunity to use rational thinking. However, from a Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) perspective, I self-disturbed when using unfavorable beliefs that influenced my unhelpful reaction to provocative gestures protruding from the window.
REBT theory maintains that when an unexpected Action occurs and a person uses an irrational Belief about the situation, it’s one’s unhelpful attitude and not the undesirable circumstance that causes unpleasant cognitive, emotive, sensational, and behavioral effects as Consequences.
From a psychological standpoint, people disturb themselves using a Belief-Consequence (B-C) connection. Of course, this isn’t to suggest that in the context of the naturalistic or physical world there is no Action-Consequence (A-C) connection.
As an example, had I not stopped behind the car at a red light (Action), then I would’ve gotten into a motor vehicle accident (Consequence). From an A-C perspective, using Newton’s laws of motion, an object in motion remains in a straight line, except when it’s acted upon by a force.
However, when occupants of the car in front of me began set-tripping (Action) and I Believed, “They shouldn’t disrespect me, ‘cause I can’t stand being dissed,” it was my unproductive B-C narrative that resulted in anger and unhelpful behavioral events that followed (Consequence).
I turned up my music even louder, exited my vehicle, and began Crip walking while staccin’ (back then, Crips refused to write words properly with a “ck” that indicated Crip killer). My answer to provocation was antagonism. Clearly, I wasn’t in a rational place at that point in life.
Rather than remaining self-disturbed, REBT advocates use of Disputation which may lead to an Effective new belief that’s used in place of an unproductive self-narrative. With the ABC model, a person learns to stop needless suffering which is caused by unhelpful assumptions.
However, I knew nothing about REBT when I was in high school. Therefore, when the light turned green and the vehicle in front of me sped off on Fulton and toward Teckla Boulevard, I hopped back into my ride and gave chase.
At the intersection of Teckla and Paramount Boulevard was the BK fast-food establishment. It was a place that AHS students often went for lunch and just so happened to be the final destination for the occupants in the vehicle from the stoplight.
Photo courtesy of Google Maps
By the time I arrived at the parking lot, four boys and one girl had exited their car and I pulled up directly behind them. Bear in mind that I wasn’t in a rational place. Although in my default state, I’m merely a fallible human being, I was unproductively self-disturbed into a violent mindset.
Despite never having been formally affiliated with any gang, my friends from that period in my life were Crips and Sureños. While I was also friendly with some Bloods, I didn’t recognize anyone from AHS who was cliqued up with the Bloods on that day. Thus, I pursued conflict.
“Wassup, floods [pejorative for Bloods],” I angrily yelled to the boys while throwing up a set on one hand and grasping a knife concealed in my pocket with the other hand, “where’s all that shit you were woofin’ back at the stoplight, b-doggs [another name for Bloods]?”
The girl from the group then stepped up and began stacking while calling me a “ricket” and a “crab,” both pejorative words for Crips. Given the continually reinforced moral and ethical lessons which I received since childhood, I wasn’t going to fight a girl.
“Fuck you, slob bitch,” I said while using a pejorative term for Bloods, “I’m talkin’ to these rankers and not you!” Meanwhile, the boys began surrounding me. I wasn’t in a rational place and to make matters worse, I was about to get jumped.
I could’ve stabbed a couple of the boys, though I’d likely not prevail in the altercation. Still, I’d been rat-packed several times by gangbangers after I moved to Aurora, Colorado in fifth grade, so I irrationally considered my options. In retrospect, I was too self-disturbed at that point.
Noteworthy, Aurora was where I was first introduced to Crips. I knew that fighting despite the odds was what gangbangers respected. Granting that I could’ve held my own against two or three people, I figured that I couldn’t successfully beat off all of the boys in that BK parking lot.
Thus, I quickly jumped into my ride and raced off toward the home in which I lived that was nearby. I wish that this was the part in the blogpost where I could discuss how foolish my behavior was and then provide a psychoeducational lesson on self-disturbance.
However, as a method of completing a shame attacking exercise herein, I’m prepared to provide an honest account of what occurred. A family was kind enough to have taken me into their home from the children’s home in which I was a resident from seventh to ninth grade.
Unbeknownst to them, I had a heater in my closet and I was prepared to use it. (Did I mention that I wasn’t in a rational place?) I returned to BK with full regalia of the set with which I was friendly, as I had a fully unfurled flag (bandana) protruding from the front of my waistband.
My heater was tucked behind the apron-style regalia and when again seeing the teens in the parking lot of BK, I yelled to the boys, “Aight, let’s get it craccin’, cuzz!” Someone was ready to kill on that day and some people were about to die. I truly wasn’t in a rational place.
At that moment, a boy darted from the BK eatery and jumped in between me and the approaching group of adolescents. I’ll call him “1/2 Ton”—someone who turned out to be one of my closest friends in high school. “Stop, stop, stop,” 1/2 Ton encouraged me while laughing.
“I see that you’re down for your shit,” he continued, “but this isn’t the time or place for all this.” Because of 1/2 Ton’s interdiction, the other teens and I agreed to momentarily squash shit and meet on the following day at the same time and location.
The justification for the rescheduled conflict was that someone apparently spotted the hooda in our immediate vicinity. If there was one point upon which gangbangers and adjacent parties could agree, it was that the ops in the form of law enforcement was an ultimate threat.
With neither side representing the Bloods or Crips having been in a rational place at that point in our lives, we illogically and unreasonably made plans to return to the scene on the next day – as though police somehow wouldn’t be patrolling at that time. We all behaved like fuckwits.
Returning to the BK parking lot on the following day at lunchtime, I had around 40 people on my side and we faced off with around 30 people on the other side. As well, I had members of a Crip set posted up with hammers across Teckla in the “Estrellas” parking lot.
I reasoned that if one time did respond to the scene, I didn’t want to be caught with a banger on me. Besides, if anyone on either side pulled heat, my friends across from Teckla would’ve dumped on the entire crowd. (Are you now prepared to accept that I wasn’t in a rational place?)
For people unfamiliar with Bomb City during the ‘90s, AHS kids typically gathered in large crowds in one of two places to resolve conflict: (1) Southwest Park (not “John Stiff Memorial Park”) or (2) the BK parking lot. Massive crowds often showed up to these violent events.
With 1/2 Ton on my side, as well as “Caesar” who had also befriended the Crip set that was posted up across Teckla, I was confident that my side would reign victorious whenever the altercation began. However, I was also prepared to fight one-on-one to quickly resolve matters.
“I’ll fight any one of you one-on-one, right now,” I yelled. Perhaps due to my poor choice of words, from in between two adolescent males stepped the female from the day prior. She donned mostly red attire and out from her baggy clothing she pulled a Bowie knife.
“Not you again,” I responded, “I told you yesterday that I don’t fight bitches!” A number of people from her side urged the girl to put away the knife. Admittedly, I was relieved when she acquiesced. Nevertheless, because I wasn’t in a rational place, I kept talking shit. (Why, Deric?)
“I don’t fight bitches, so any one of you who don’t bleed every month can step up right now and take this ass whoopin’!” Not a single male from the other side moved. I then foolishly turned my back on the teenage girl, faced my side, and encouraged laughter.
“I guess this bitch ain’t the only one on their side who I won’t be fightin’ today, because they’re all bitches,” I remarked. When turning back around with a roar of laughter behind me, my lip immediately began vibrating. I then heard people on the opposite side oohing.
Caesar then jumped in front of me and said, “No, dawg, she ain’t worth it!” I was confused about what was happening. “Why is my lip throbbing?” I thought, “And why is this bitch squared up?” Suddenly, it mentally struck me that the teen girl had physically struck me in the mouth.
“Wait,” I said to Caesar, “Did this bitch hit me?” I laughed loudly, because I didn’t even feel her strike when it occurred. All I felt was the physical sensation of my lip swelling from an A-C connection of her fist having made forceful contact with my mouth.
Even though a series of self-disturbing beliefs resulted in an unfavorable outcome, I was finally able to place myself into a rational place in that moment. “I’m not fighting a bitch, because I was raised to know better than to hit a girl,” I remarked. At that, both crowds dispersed.
Upon my return from school, it was as though gossip wildfire burned through AHS. People were staring at my significantly swollen lip and I suspected that the rest of my day would be spent trying to figure out how to explain what happened during lunchtime once I got home.
In the class following lunch break, my teacher (“Mrs. C.”) momentarily paused when looking at me and then asked me to remain after class once the bell rung. “I’m probably getting sent to the principal’s office,” I thought. Unfortunately, I was somewhat familiar with that office.
Mrs. C sat in a desk next to me in an otherwise empty room and to my surprise stated, “I heard about what happened at lunch.” “Oh, great,” I thought, “I hope she doesn’t ask me for details, because I ain’t no rat!” (I’ve already acknowledged that I behaved as a fuckwit back then, no?)
Mrs. C continued, “I heard that you didn’t hit the girl back at lunchtime. I’m going to tell you something that I want you to never forget. If a girl or a woman ever puts herself into the place of a boy or a man, then you treat her exactly as you would a boy or a man. Do you understand me?”
I was surprised. Mrs. C was the first adult who’d ever told me it was okay for males to defend themselves against females. Although I’d heard many rappers express similar sentiment, I’d never heard an authority figure make a case against male disposability and for equality:
Form (hypothetical) –
If p, then q; if q, then r; therefore, if p, then r.
Example –
If human equality exists, then males have the same rights as females.
If males have the same rights as females, then males have a morally and ethically correct ability to defend themselves when females assault or batter them.
Therefore, if human equality exists, then males have a morally and ethically correct ability to defend themselves when females assault or batter them.
This syllogistic proposal follows logical form and I argue that, in the interest of equality, it’s reasonable. While others may argue that it’s an irrational proposition for males to have a right to defend themselves against assault and battery by females, I disagree.
My parents and the houseparents by whom I was raised were merely fallible human beings who taught me that it was never appropriate for a male to physically strike a female, and that my role was to provide and protect females. Thankfully, Mrs. C put my mind into a rational place.
All the same, a one-time conversation with an educator didn’t fully dispute the irrational belief that I maintained, whereby I unaccommodatingly believed, “Males shouldn’t ever strike females.” Granted, I preferably shouldn’t have behaved as a fuckwit at a stoplight in high school.
Likewise, I shouldn’t have Crip walked adjacent AHS, followed a vehicle to the parking lot of BK, retrieved a llama from my closet, or returned to the eatery. Moreover, I shouldn’t have scheduled a fight for the following day, had a hit team on standby, talked shit, or urged violence.
I wasn’t in a rational place, because I self-disturbed through use of irrational beliefs. I now own my reaction from back then. From a dialectic perspective, I behaved wrongly and males preferably should be able to defend themselves when being assaulted and battered by females.
After AHS, I joined the Marine Corps, was trained in the military occupational specialties of military police and Marine security guard, served roles as law enforcement and as a diplomatic security provider, and thereafter served as a member of a protective force for nuclear security.
Given the nature of my occupational roles, I underwent training in which men and women were paired up to physically subdue one another. Even though I served with some inspirationally tough female Marines, not a single one comes to mind who could restrain the average male.
Likewise, regarding hand-to-hand defense tactics, on average, women in law enforcing and security roles weren’t as physically capable as men when employing trained techniques. This anecdotal observation is supported by 1993 and 2021 studies on sex-based strength.
Stop and ask yourself whether or not you require studies to inform you of what you’ve likely observed throughout your life. Are you in a rational place? Are you capable of understanding the information detected by your own eyes? On average, are men stronger than women?
My parents were correct to teach me not to assault or batter girls when I was younger and women when I was older. One main point with which I contend is that my sisters weren’t taught the same lesson. I suspect that many other girls and women haven’t received a similar advisement.
Arguably, this failed lesson has resulted in many people absurdly believing that anything men can do women can equally do. Perhaps this is one reason why so many films and shows now depict petite women being able to physically subdue men. (In what world does this happen?)
Case in point, one source reports that two men recently fought three women during a mixed martial arts (MMA) exhibition, though one woman apparently declared, “You have nothing extra” regarding the ability of men to physically subdue women. This is delusional thinking.
Regarding this matter, one source reports, “Mixed-gender MMA fights have gained notoriety in Russia and have recently been adopted by some Romanian promoters,” as one wonders if this is what it takes in order for people to finally arrive at a rational place concerning sex differences.
One imagines that when logically and reasonably assessing this matter once and for all, society can then begin consideration of reevaluating the roles of females in military, law enforcement, and security positions. Perhaps then we will finally arrive at a rational place.
If you’re looking for a provider who tries to work to help understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life—helping you to sharpen your critical thinking skills, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to try to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply trying to help you to feel better, I want to try to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
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