At some point between 1997 and 1999, I stood on a balcony at the top floor of a military police (MP) barracks aboard Camp Kinser in Okinawa, Japan as winds from a typhoon howled and rain pelted me from multiple directions. I figured there was only one prudent option for that moment.
Perhaps because I’m from Amarillo, Texas – located in Tornado Alley – and people often ran outside during inclement weather to take photos or capture video footage, I asked another Marine to take an outdoor photo of me in a typhoon. What other logical or reasonable option was there?
Reflecting to when I was a young MP, I’m now grateful that I no longer enforce the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) or apprehend people. Locking away fellow Marines wasn’t all what one may think it was cracked up to be. Yet, I digress.
Thinking back to that period in my life, things seemed much simpler – better, even. Of course, the memory is reconstructive and I have no way of verifying whether or not my past can be accurately assessed in comparison to the present moment.
Regarding this matter, I’m reminded of the classic song “The Way We Were/Try to Remember” by Gladys Knight & the Pips in which Knight states, “Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line?”
Looking at the photo above, I recognize the person who foolishly stood outside in a typhoon. It’s clearly me. However, I’m not like I used to be – or at least what my memory of a memory of many memories having since past indicate that I was, or who I perceivably was.
It’s very difficult to say with any degree of certainty. Alas, this is an accurate description regarding the concepts of impermanence and uncertainty—the ideas which express that all things shall inevitably pass and that all things remain subject to question or challenge.
This includes one’s preciously-held memories – even if there’s photographic evidence to archive a historic moment in time. Still, people often cling tightly to cognitive apparitions of the past.
Of this proposition, I’m reminded of yet another classic song. In “Porgy,” by Billie Holiday, the vocalist states, “I wanna stay here with you, forever.” I’m no stranger to the experience of following ghosts within my mind and attempting to hold them as though they can last forever.
In some ways, this may be the effect of bringing myself into my blog content. I once used MySpace, Facebook, and Instagram for blogging activity when I was active on those social media platforms.
After having left those mediums behind, I was without a method of publically sharing memories of my past with others in written form. That is until a friend of mine encouraged me to begin a mental, emotional, and behavioral health-themed blog.
Once I started, a number of my posts didn’t reflect traces of me. After receiving invaluable feedback from a separate friend, I began sharing with the world personal anecdotes which I thought may be of some use to people.
The first 100 posts were relatively slow-going. However, I picked up momentum and the current post marks my 1,000th blogpost (hence the name). To commemorate this personal achievement, I thought of another track – one less refined in taste as the two aforementioned songs.
On the song “We Made It Freestyle,” featuring rapper Soulja Boy, rapper Drake’s chorus states, “Nigga we made it, ayy! We made it!” My mind works in mysterious ways. In any case, and given the classics of Gladys Knight and Billie Holiday, a separate song comes to mind.
On his 2003 album Birth of a Prince, lyricist RZA of the legendary Wu-Tang Clan released a track entitled “A Day to God is 1,000 Years.” Noteworthy, the song samples both Knight and Holiday.
For instance, the aforementioned lyrics I referenced from Holiday were mixed to say, “I wanna stay with you, forever.” Likewise, Knight’s vocals can be heard as she sung her lyrics referenced herein. Together with RZA’s contribution, these artists memorialize fond memories.
Worth noting, in his third verse, RZA states:
Yo, the pen is mightier than the sword, as I face my worldly challenge
In the scale of justice, and my heart remains balanced and neutral
My respect for all men is mutual
As my thoughts surpass a level to which you devils compute to
You’ve been given the chance to hear the true and living
So do the knowledge, son, before you do the wisdom
So you can understand
The lyricist’s approach is mirrored by my own. Regardless of whatever format I’ve used to blog, I find that my written submissions are superior to any weaponry I touched as a Marine. Still, the pen being mightier than a sword in this instance isn’t regarding an assault upon humanity.
Rather, as suggested by RZA, “I face my worldly challenge in the scale of justice” concerning all matters. Whereas I once enforced the UCMJ as an MP, I now consider proverbial justice in the interest of rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT).
Using techniques of the ABC model and unconditional acceptance, I try to help people stop disturbing themselves with unproductive – or in this case unjust – beliefs which confine them to a state of miserable consequences. In essence, I’m attempting to free people with REBT.
Once, I was imprisoned by my own negativistic and unhelpful beliefs. In that condition, I was often angry, hopeless, helpless, and bordering on misanthropy. Without taking personal ownership for my unhelpful reaction to an unpleasant attitude, I remained self-victimized.
That was an injustice to myself, others, and life in general. Now take another look at the photo for this blogpost. Imagine the aforementioned qualities of self-disturbance, though envision the person in that picture also being armed with MP weaponry and given authority over others.
It isn’t an appealing mental image, I admit. Thankfully, the form of justice I’ve achieved through daily practice of REBT allows me to identify with what RZA expressed when he stated that “my heart remains balanced and neutral, my respect for all men is mutual.”
Self-empowered freedom from unfavorable beliefs has done me well. Now, I share with the world the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding about how to free oneself from bondage, referenced by RZA in “A Day to God is 1,000 Years.”
Of course, I’m under no illusion that anything I’ve shared within my blog has fundamentally changed the lives of others. In fact, my most popular post (for whatever reason) is Are We the Baddies? which serves as a collective versus personal critique in regard to proverbial bondage.
Nevertheless, the outcome of what I write, how many people read it, or what impact it potentially has isn’t what affords me purpose and meaning. If I die tonight in my sleep, I know that I at least tried to help other people so that they had access to justice in the form of wellness.
Thinking back to the period in time when the photo for this post was taken, things may not have actually been as simple or improved as they seemed to have been. After all, I experienced significant symptoms of posttraumatic stress associated with recurring trauma.
Alas, I now use the phantoms within my mind of events from yesteryear as an attempt to help other people. 1,000 blogposts in and I have no intention of stopping anytime soon – that is unless I die in my sleep tonight, which wouldn’t be intentional nevertheless.
In any case, I remain irrationally hopeful that by writing and posting blog entries it cannot be accurately stated that no one had access to method of improving their level of functioning and quality of life. After all, I post my content for free.
Unlike Holiday, who apparently wanted to forever remain where she was, I unconditionally accept that as Knight stated, time will rewrite every line of my existence. Existentially, I remain contently free while trying to liberate others. As Dead Prez said, “Let’s get free!” You ready?
If you’re looking for a provider who works to help you understand how thinking impacts physical, mental, emotional, and behavioral elements of your life, I invite you to reach out today by using the contact widget on my website.
As the world’s foremost hip hop-influenced REBT psychotherapist, I’m pleased to help people with an assortment of issues from anger (hostility, rage, and aggression) to relational issues, adjustment matters, trauma experience, justice involvement, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety and depression, and other mood or personality-related matters.
At Hollings Therapy, LLC, serving all of Texas, I aim to treat clients with dignity and respect while offering a multi-lensed approach to the practice of psychotherapy and life coaching. My mission includes: Prioritizing the cognitive and emotive needs of clients, an overall reduction in client suffering, and supporting sustainable growth for the clients I serve. Rather than simply helping you to feel better, I want to help you get better!
Deric Hollings, LPC, LCSW
References:
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